Monday, September 10, 2012

A Myriad

A Myriad of feelings. Of emotions. Of everything mixing together.

I have a lot of thoughts inside of me. So this post may be some what hectic. But I'll try my best to keep it somewhat together and making sense.

Let's start it off with me saying that hardly anyone gets me. And I know why they don't. It's because I can't share everything with them. So they don't always get my reasonings behind my offbeat actions. 'Cause I can't show them all of my reasonings. And I'm not one of those girls who has everything written on the palm of her hand. I want the people who want to get me, to invest the time to get to know me. And I don't regret that everything isn't clear cut and dry with me. I don't regret being who I am no matter how weird, or quiet, or loud, or hyper, or obnoxious, or immature, or too mature, I seem to anyone else. I have reasons behind what makes me who I am. And I am who I am. It's not going to change. I used to not like myself because I'm different. No average Joe. Because some people don't get me and some people don't like me and some people think I'm weird. But you know what? They won't ever know everything that occurs in my life and who are they to judge? Why do they need a reason? Why can't the accept me for who I am (the flaws and all.) Isn't that what love is? Accepting a person, their flaws and all. I'm learning to accept me, flaws and all.

On another note, I'm feeling real small and young lately. I don't know why that is. But some days, I don't want to face the world and all it's luggage. I just want to be 5 and young and thinking about candy. I grew up too fast. I grew observant too fast. I became a worrier too fast. And now I want to re-wind and go back. Make up for lost time. That's part of why I treasure up my moments as often as I can. Thats why sometimes I act weird and crazy because I'm just so tired of the serious. I deal with it way too often so when I can enjoy life, I want to do that. And I want to drag others with me into enjoyment because I don't think people enjoy life enough either. I think they deal with the same problems and grow up before they're ready too.

I mean really? Why are teenagers thinking they aren't beautiful? Why have they stopped eating? Why do they feel pressured to go into relationships they aren't ready for? Why are they so eager for a broken heart? Why do they have to worry about the things going on around them? Why do they feel the need to take care of everyone? Why don't they just sit back and watch Disney movies and laugh at silly cartoons? Why don't they slow down and play barbies one last time? Why can't that be their only job? Because life doesn't work that way and it's broken. That's why.



         If you haven't listened to this song yet...
You must do it.
It's so sweet and so sad.
One thing that gets me is this very line.
Because my Mommy would say that to me when I was young.

I'm feeling happy, sad, and bittersweet. I'm remembering and not remembering and crying tears made of I don't even know what. And if you don't get it, that's okay. I don't always need someone to get me.
God gets me and that's all that matters. He knows everything and He's my cure, my remedy, my lullaby, my safe Haven, my meaning in and to life. And He loves me. More than anyone ever could.

I may not know everything.
And Life. It knows how to throw curveballs.
And everything can't always be fixed.
And time moves on no matter what.
And maybe the key is just getting through tomorow always.
Not knowing what's coming but knowing you'll get through it.
But whatever it is.
Whatever happens.
I will get through it.
And you can too.
And my Savior will be there for me no matter what.
I don't know if you'll read all this. But I needed to write this. I wanted to be honest.


  1. It's okay to feel the way you're feeling; sometimes we just need to vent on our blogs. Remember though, we're all here for you! That's the really cool thing about blogging; creating virtual relationships with really great people that we'll probably never meet.

  2. I totally understand how you feel, last night i was feeling the same {i vented in my journal tho ;) }

    i love this post and your honestly. its beautiful. <3

  3. I know what you mean . . . and people are way too serious.
    That's why they give us weird looks, I'm sure of it.
    I try to drag people in too! Though, I must admit sometimes they have drag me into it. And I love them for it.