Saturday, July 1, 2017

The goodness of the Lord and the power of prayer

So, I sorta had a rough spot this week.

But, all in all, this week was amazing.
In small ways and large ways.
However, the large way was through the power of prayer.
I had a couple of prayer requests that were really weighing on my heart and I prayed for them earnestly and daily and they were answered this week.
And I just love seeing that.
Crazily, I also watched a sermon this past Thursday night that was about prayer.
But, there are no coincidences with God.

After the lesson on prayer, that very evening, I found out that one of my specific prayer requests for something that was happening on Wednesday, came true.

God is just so good, friends, so good.

Other small blessings:

I had an amazing Thursday starting off with meeting a couple of mine that I'm friends with and discussing details of their wedding that I got hired to photograph. Then my friend Heidi came over in which we went to young adult group, won some trivia, listened to an amazing lesson, got Chinese food, and came home and watched a movie. Next morning we awoke early to get some free coffee/tea drinks at a local coffee shop and decided to be adventurous by renting a jet ski for an hour and had an absolute amazing time in which we didn't even fall off. We ended our adventure with some Einstein bagels and coffee before we departed. Then to finish off my amazing Friday, we handed out fliers for a church program that some people and I help out with once a month and practiced a skit for the program. Today we had the program and even though there were small bumps in it, it was a huge blessing and a lot went well too. It was just a good day and a good week and God's been working on my outlook and working in my heart and He's so good, friends. So good.

Praise Him for the things He has done and the things He continues to do and pray boldly.

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Where do I fit in?

I wish I fit in like a dog at the dog park but I am becoming more and more aware that I just don't.

I went for pie and coffee with a group of friends from my church and as I sat in my seat, although I didn't despise my time there, I began to realize how much I don't fit in with their group.
I was there and listening and adding in comments here and there.
But, the more I listened, the more I heard whispers shared between certain people and comments referring to some previous joke that I knew nothing of and there was even an incident that everyone referred to and was told/knew about.
That is, except for me.

I've known these people since I was 16.
But, I guess that doesn't mean I know them.
There were a couple of faces there whom I trust and do know me.
But, for the majority, we're just not on the same page.
They don't feel like sharing things with me.
I don't feel comfortable sharing things with them about me.
I don't like to be laughed at.

And sometimes I like to think that we're all friends and we can all have open conversations over a cup of coffee and a slice of pie but the more I reflect upon things, I think that perhaps it won't ever be that way.

I feel like I have nothing to contribute to their conversations that will seem of importance.
And I don't want to feel like that.
So, I don't suppose I fit in.
I'll sit there and be there, but I know I'm not truly there.

I don't know how to change that.

All I can say is; where do I fit in?

'Cause I'm having a hard time finding that out.

Monday, June 26, 2017

We wore the same sweaters and it felt snug

There's not a better feeling that finding out someone has felt the same way you feel.
That moment when your loneliness fades away like the sun melting into the nighttime sky.
When your problems suddenly seem to fall like the dead leaves now upon the ground.
Because, that's all you wanted.
Someone to be beside you.
Someone to relate to.
Someone who understands you.
Someone to feel how you feel.

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Anxiety

A chokehold,
A 100 pound weight on my chest,
A sudden waterfall pressing on my eyes begging to drip down,
A creeping sensation crawling up and down my spine,
A whisper who has a deafening shout that only I can hear,
A prison.
Why are you there?
No one invited you.
And yet you walk around the room so confident like you own me.
You don't.
My savior Jesus Christ has set me free from you.
So, stop acting like you are a welcomed guest inside of me.
You're not welcomed.
I don't believe your lies.
So, the question remains...

Why are you here?


Monday, June 19, 2017

Bloom, bloom, bloom.

"All I wanted was a reassuring handshake and smile", she said.
But alas, there were no hands to shake and no smiles to give.
For the life she lived was a life of solitude and that is a life spent with a grave face and a dying heart.
It needed to be watered and it needed to bloom but it was left in a room without sunlight and that kept her heart from growing.
Maybe a heart can survive for a day or two without light, but it cannot live forever in darkness and it certainly cannot thrive.

So, dying heart and shaded sunflower, step into the light and shake the hands reaching out to you so ready to embrace and to hold you close with a million of smiles rooted and growing in an everlasting ray of joy.

Bloom.
Bloom.
Bloom.




Sunday, June 18, 2017

Why do I write?

"Why do I write?", I ask myself.

I write because the monsters seem to run away when I do.
I write because the words are a bandage when my heart bleeds.
I write because the colors mix together like skittles instead of fading away like they do when I don't acknowledge that they are there.
I write because I don't feel invisible when I do.
I write because I might (might) just connect with someone else when the words on this page are read.
I write because writing can change the world and it can change me.
It has changed me.
For better or for worse;
I write.
Do you?
Why do you?


Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Even if it hurts

You don't know what you do,
but what you do breaks my heart everyday.

And I want you here everyday but I want you to love us and you don't.
And I don't want you here hurting us deeper and deeper,
So there's no answer.
I just want you to feel how we feel about you and I'm not sure that will ever be true.
So, I pray and pray and pray and wait and hope.

But hope- it can hurt.

Yet, I will continue until something changes.

I just don't want you to hurt us anymore.
And I want you to feel love because I'm not sure if you have loved before or are capable of it.
But you're apart of us whether you like it or not.
And we love you,
whether you like it or not.

So you break our hearts everyday because we love you.
And we can't stop doing that.
We won't stop doing that.

So, I pray and I wait and I hope.

And I will continue to do so until something changes.
Even if it hurts.