Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Where do I fit in?

I wish I fit in like a dog at the dog park but I am becoming more and more aware that I just don't.

I went for pie and coffee with a group of friends from my church and as I sat in my seat, although I didn't despise my time there, I began to realize how much I don't fit in with their group.
I was there and listening and adding in comments here and there.
But, the more I listened, the more I heard whispers shared between certain people and comments referring to some previous joke that I knew nothing of and there was even an incident that everyone referred to and was told/knew about.
That is, except for me.

I've known these people since I was 16.
But, I guess that doesn't mean I know them.
There were a couple of faces there whom I trust and do know me.
But, for the majority, we're just not on the same page.
They don't feel like sharing things with me.
I don't feel comfortable sharing things with them about me.
I don't like to be laughed at.

And sometimes I like to think that we're all friends and we can all have open conversations over a cup of coffee and a slice of pie but the more I reflect upon things, I think that perhaps it won't ever be that way.

I feel like I have nothing to contribute to their conversations that will seem of importance.
And I don't want to feel like that.
So, I don't suppose I fit in.
I'll sit there and be there, but I know I'm not truly there.

I don't know how to change that.

All I can say is; where do I fit in?

'Cause I'm having a hard time finding that out.

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