To Whom It May Concern

I have too many thoughts right now.

You know some people are undercover.
They hide behind smiles.
They hide behind people.
They hide behind forced laughs.
But inside, when they are by theirself, they aren't really like that.

I feel really bad for those type of people because I wish they didn't have to try.
I wish they could just naturally smile and enjoy people and laugh.
I wish they didn't have to hide behind them to cover what they're really feeling.

If you ever feel like that, I'm truely sorry. I wish I could erase all the pain you're going through.
Some of you, I might know and you don't even know that I know. But I do. And I'm sorry too.
I'm sorry because I don't know how to help.
I'm sorry because I don't know how to make those smiles real.
I'm sorry because I say I'm sorry too much and that doesn't fix anything.

All I can say, is that I know you were given a life to live in much more than just your pain.
There will be smiles and moments and treasures again.
You won't be sad forever.
There is a Savior who loves you and will hold you in His arms if you let Him. He will dry your tears and breathe life into your heart again.
I know times are tough. Believe me.
I may only be 18 but 18 years of life can hold a lot.
I've heard people's stories, I understand.
And I'm sorry.
I do love you.
All of you.
I pray for you.
All of you.
Keep holding on.
One day those fake smiles won't be fake anymore.
I really believe that.
Even if you don't.


On another note, I'd hate to leave this off sad. Because right now I'm not completely sad. I just have too many thoughts. I'm also happy right now. I just had to write that, because some of you need to hear it. And some of you, I need you to hear it. But for those who are happy and I don't want to damper your good mood, I will end it in happy thoughts and musings and pictures.

I really like Clair De Lune by Debussy. If you listen closely, there is a part that sounds like a thousand of tiny stars twinkling. If stars made noises, I'd like to imagine them making that sound. Also, one day my future husband is going to take me to bookstores and we will sip coffee and read the pages of thousands of books. And we will read our favorite parts out loud from our favorite books to each other. And one day when we get married, we'll start to make a little bookstore of our own. And we'll read books together to out little kids one day. And he will write me letters, handwritten letters. And he'll look at me with the look of love. This is a look not all people get. But my Husband will give me that look. And i love him with every bone of my body. He'll sometimes call me Dearest, and I will find it very sweet. And maybe sometime we will try to bake together and it'll probably fail really badly and we'll create a big mess and laugh at each other. And often times we'll appreciate the stars and how they keep on shining no matter what else goes on in the World. He'll make me laugh, carelessly. He'll be my best friend. And He'll love the Lord more than anything else, more than me. And that's how I know he truely can love. And how he can truely love me properly. And that will be the main reason I love him most. Thank-you, my dear future Husband. Because even if the bookstores, coffee, baking, and star gazing never happens, you will still manage to make me the happiest woman alive. And you will without a doubt be my best friend. And you still will love the Lord with all your heart, and that will be all that matters. I will love you no matter what. For who you are and who Christ has made you. I will know you when I see you some day. I have been praying for you, and I can't wait to meet you. Our love will be true, pure, and God centered and therefore it will be oh so beautiful and unbreakable and right. Thank you.
                                                          Love,
                                                      Sophie