Friday, August 17, 2012

BitterSweet Feelings

Thats how my tears taste right now. But I'm not incredibly sad. I just have been thinking.
Lemme try to explain better. Let's see. Memories. They pop up some times. And they are important, beautiful, and happy but also sad because they are memories. They aren't happening and existing anymore, they are in the past. But new ones will come a long to laugh and smile at too. So, its okay. But you still feel bittersweet.

What brought these feelings on:

My friend Erin's post at Write Run Dream Sing. It started me thinking of the past. The future. The in between.

A long car ride. We went to visit our Aunt and Uncle at Homossa Springs today, and it was a 2 and half hour drive there and back. This leaves lots of room for thinking if you aren't sleeping.

The last WeekDay of Summer. This Monday I start College. And it's exciting, it really is. But it's also sad. Because I spent all of my middle/ highschool years at an incredibly small school with some of my best friends made there. I hated and loved that school. There were awful things, there were amazing things. It was childhood. It was growing up. There were tears, there were laughs, there were pictures. The memories are so strong and fresh there. How is College going to be just as awesome without my friends, my nonfriends who complained nonstop, and the tiny building that we'd make fun of that had no windows?

Taylor Swift. I'm listening to her right now. Especially Innocent, because that was me and my best friend's theme song whenever we felt old and like we were dealing with grownup problems when we were just kids. But Taylor Swift in general makes me think of me being young. I remember listening to 15 when I turned 15. I remember comparing dumb crushes to the song Teardrops on my Guitar because I was overdramatic and a middle schooler back then. I remember listening to Taylor Swift's Speak Now on the way to a church canoe trip which took place in Fall. I remember watching the Taylor Swift Thanksgiving special that one Thanksgiving while eating Sweet Potatoe Pie for the first time. I remember listening to Long Live and thinking it'd be a good graduation song and that I would like to fight dragons someday with someone. I remember writing; "It's the End of the decade, but the start of an age" on my gray converse during the first day of Senior Year. And then I dual enrolled and took some college classes last year and some people told me I looked like her even though I don't think so.

Soccer. I'm thinking about getting back into it. I used to play soccer for 4 years with my Daddy as the Coach way back then. We had good times. I remember playing in the rain was my favorite or far away games where our reward after a hard played game was Mcdonalds.

Gosh. I remember being young and ignorant so well, and I miss it. I'm sure there were bad times back then but i don't think i ever caught on to it when they happened because I don't remember it. I was lost in my own child world. Where I got excited by candy, fastfood, Myscene dolls, movies from Blockbuster, and the Disney Store in the Mall. I remember playing endlessly outdoors for hours in my own world full of horses, people that didn't exist, and all that good stuff. I remember Falls and Winters the best. Where the weather was cool, and my tastebuds were constantly happy. And turkeys were cooked and Macy's Day Parade watched and Trees were bought from Ken's Christmas Trees where they always had really bad puns that I loved to death and still do.

I miss everything behind me. And I'm looking forward to everything ahead of me.

So darlings, treasure your childhood and don't rush growing up. Things do change whether you want them to or not and time is something you can never get back. Write down memories, photograph memories and most importantly; Make them.

(Side note; if any of you all need photographs or want photographs taking, I know this really fabulous photographer named Jed Mootsy. He's quite talented and knows what he's doing and he's also a very friendly person. If you want your pictures taken, you'll want them done by this guy. Trust me on this. I think very highly of him. Here's the website; . Check it out! You will not be dissapointed)