Monday, August 3, 2015

1 Peter 3:4

"but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious."
I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to right about my Friday in El Salvador yesterday. I'm going to be honest, I was sick on that day. I whole heartedly wished I wasn't but I was and spent most of that day sleeping and recuperating. So, I didn't have a lot to take away from that day. Although I can't say I took away nothing from that day, because I don't think there is day where we can't take away anything from it. I think the main thing it taught me was patience and how sometimes we need to learn that we aren't super human beings and as much as we want to, we can't always get to experience everything we want to experience. I really wanted and even tried to sit in on the service put on for the youth but eventually I had to just rest. And sometimes we need to rest in life. We need to take a break from all the clutter going on and sit back and rest our souls too. So, I guess that is what I took away from that day. As much as I wanted to spend that day with the rest of my team and the youth that were there, I needed to rest my body and my soul.
On a side note, I'd like to talk about the above verse.
I love that verse so much. I came across it last school semester back in April, but I easily forgot to meditate on it over the Summer. Every time I read it, I think to myself that a gentle and quiet spirit is the beauty I want to have. However, I do not live that out very often. I fall back into focusing on outside beauty. It annoys me, really, it does. I know it's popular in society to focus on that because that's what they teach you. That's how you get guys. That's how you fit in. That's how you become acceptable. But, that's not what the Bible teaches, and every time I am reminded of this, that's what I want to focus on.
Story time:
When I was in highschool, I had mini-romances. I don't know how else to describe it really. We never really were in full on relationships but we definitely were invested in each other and we definitely were attracted to each other. But honestly, those didn't last very long. And I have many of guys proclaim their interest in me, but again, I think it was only because of my outside appearance. Now trust me, I am not boasting here. I'm just stating what I think. And I can tell you that part of why I think that is because I do not believe I had the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit and I do not believe my heart was hidden in Christ. But you know, each time something didn't work out or a guy stopped liking me, it hurt. Because I knew it wasn't me they really liked. Not the inward person. And you know what? I don't think I'll ever have a deep relationship that will work out unless I do work on my inner self.
Outward appearances fade away, and you can't hide your inner self. It comes peeking out.
When my inner self comes peeking out, I don't want it to be ugly.
I don't want my inner self to be arrogant and proud, not giving any thought to others, or a flaky person who does not dedicate herself to God's word or following Him completely. I don't want to be a lukewarm person and I don't want to be in a relationship with a lukewarm human being. I want my life to be hidden in Christ and glorifying Him and when I become in a relationship with someone, that is what I want to be attractive to Him. My relationship with Christ. And that's what I want to find attractive in a man. And if I am not focused in Christ or I find a cute guy who is not dedicated to Christ, I know I am not ready for a relationship or a relationship with him. And I know it wouldn't work out if I was in a relationship with someone who wasn't living completely in Christ and especially if I wasn't living completely in Christ.
Now what do I mean by this?
Do I mean the person can't mess up and lose his way?
Does it mean I have to be perfect and never sinning in order to be in a relationship?
No, not at all.
That's impossible.
But I have to be focused on God first.
God above all else.
And so does he.
If a guy takes a place in front of Jesus in my thoughts, then I can't be with him.
I'm not ready.
That is not a healthy way to start a relationship.
God needs to be first in my life.
Likewise, it's the same with the guy.
I don't want him to elevate me in front of God.
God is first.
I want to make God first in my life.
And I need to work on myself in the mean time because I can't be a good future wife if I only focus on the outside too.
I need to focus on being a girl with beauty that pleases the Lord.
And I want my future husband to love me for having the beauty that pleases the Lord too.
Or else I know he's not deeply rooted in God either.
Those are my thoughts of the day.
I know I have a lot to work on.
I need to be calmer, gentler, and kinder.
I need to focus on others and God moreover than myself and how I appear to others.
I can honestly say, I need to put God first right now.
I am not ready for a relationship with anyone right now,
I am still distracted and not focusing on Christ as I should.
But I am praying, and I am trying because I want Him to come first.
He is my life, my love, and my all.
He is my everything.
I need to live that out rather than just know it.

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