Tuesday, January 20, 2015

I just gotta, I just gotta know.

I wanted to know because I thought it would be easier. Now I know but I have realized that it might take a while before it gets easier.
I think my heart knew, and it was already forming cracks, but I didn't want to face that assumption until I knew it was for sure true. Now, I know it's true and I feel all kinds of feelings.
However, one of the things that I keep having to re-learn is that God is in control. I am not.
He has a plan better than my plans.
Even in the grand scheme of things, I know this is a minor thing.
I think I got too carried away thinking of the future and I suppose, counting on this guy having mutual feelings because of how I perceived his actions. But now that I know it's not mutual, I realize I shouldn't have ever counted on that. I shouldn't have thought it would turn out the way I wanted to, because the truth is that no one knows how their life is going to play out. I knew there was a chance for him not to have mutual affections towards me, but I brushed over that possibility because I didn't want to focus on that. But again, God's teaching me that there is more than one outcome that life can have for me in every situation and even if the outcome doesn't seem like something I want, or something I would have ever picked for myself, I'm learning that in all reality that if it's the outcome God wants for me, then a. it's best for me and b. then it's the outcome I want for me. Even if it kinda hurts, and even if it takes some time to realize why this outcome was the outcome for me.

There's a quote that says; "One day you'll meet someone and then you'll understand why it never worked out with anyone else." I don't remember who it's by, but I like it. And I think that even if I can't see it now, one day it will be true.


  1. Hey. This post caught my attention. I was in a similar boat recently. It had a different turn than yours, the guy in question in my story did have mutual affections for me, but guess what? It isn't all rosy and happy because it's exceedingly complicated and my heart is still broken. So I guess this comment is just to reiterate to you that you are right, God's plan is always better. And we always think we know what will be good for us, but pretty much every time we don't really know, do we?

    Better things are ahead, girl. That's what I keep telling myself today. Things have to be better.

    1. Dearest Lacey, It's been awhile since I've talked to you! I just want to say 1. Thanks for reading my posts- Life has been so busy that I don't really read other people's posts. The blog is more of a venting/ memory collecting and there to help if I can type of blog. But I don't always have a lot of time to read others and it used to stress me out. However, I really miss you and some of my blogging friends. So thanks for stopping by to comment. 2. You are a beautiful girl and I know you are a Godly girl and I am sorry that your heart is broken. I can only encourage you to draw near to God for He heals the hearts of the broken hearted. I'm sure you know this. I know this though too and sometimes it's harder to have it click inside and to feel like that. But you're right, it's not the end of the world. So, you keep your chin up too. Rest in God for He is the ultimate peace and solace.