Thursday, December 31, 2015


The start of 2015 seemed really promising.
The first day of the New Year.
I think we all have high expectations or wishes.
But really, it started out nice.
School was going good,
but twenty-first birthday went well.

But then, 
two major changes happened.
Out of the blue,
I was off guard.
I didn't have my armor up.
I could not and did not see it coming.
Life-changing changes.

Four months of 2015 were really good,
But eight really weren't.

There were good moments.
I have a lot of good memories to keep.
And you know,
maybe I had even better lessons to learn.

I did a lot of growing and I know I needed it.
At this rate, I know I still have life growing events coming up.

So, what do I say to this New Year?
I can't say I am ready because I am positive I'm not ready.
But I also know it's coming whether I want it to or not.
Whether I'm ready or not.

So, even though I am not ready,
I want to rely on God's strength to get me through this new year just like He got me through 2015.
I want to put on the armor of God and be ready to face spiritual battles thrown my way.
I want to go into it in prayer and leave it in prayer.

I want to be ready for things I don't feel ready for.
I want to fight,
and I want to get through it,
and I want to grow,
but I also really would like a few less curve balls this year.

I would like gentler waves.

But you know what?
Sometimes in life, you just don't get that.
So, I would like that whatever God's will is, that it be done.
And I would like my heart to want that even though I know it might not be easy.

I am Lord willing graduating this Spring.
It will be my last college semester as far as I can tell.
And right now, I have no earthly idea of what I am doing after.
I know the unknown will be coming to greet me soon.
And it's scary and I wish I knew.
But I don't.
And maybe for good reason.
So, I want to trust in You Lord.
And I want to rely on.
And I pray for guidance so I may know how I can serve You and live out what You have in store for me after graduation.
Well, and throughout life.
But I'll take it one step at a time.


What a number.

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