Monday, June 22, 2015

So Many Futures

Throughout my life, my years, I've imagined so many different futures for myself. I have seen experiences and looked up places and watched videos of people doing things and I used to watch them and think; "That could be me." Then I would picture myself in their place and think of the things I would do. I had things planned out. I had things planned out. I can tell you what, my future and the things of my past are not things I had picked for me. When I was younger, I didn't want to go to Clearwater Christian College. I didn't have that planned out. But then God opened my eyes, and what a blessing that was to spend a year that God had planned out for me. Even now sometimes I get ahead of myself and pick a place and plan out what I'd do there. College searching has been rough, and I do wish sometimes that I could just know where I'm supposed to go and be done with it already. Because it's nice knowing. But there comes patience and trust in not knowing. I picked a place and I pictured myself there and it sounds like it's not going to be the place I am going. And maybe it's because, once again, it was a future I planned out for myself and not one God has planned for me. I don't know where I'll spend my next year in college yet. But I know that a lot of times I have been grateful that my planned out future wasn't my future. Even before the news of my college closing, I was planning what my unit would do and what devotions I would teach as dorm leader. I was planning what activities my best friend and I could do for the next year in Fall and Winter. When I heard this wasn't my future, this made me sad. But again, it reminded me about how temporary things are and how I'm not in control. Again, this future didn't pan out for a reason. I will see that reason someday. But for now, I need to be still. I need to quit planning my futures and I need to let God plan my future. If He takes me where I want to go, then that'll be great. But if not, He is still good. And His ways are higher than my ways.

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