Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Emotions are planting seeds in my brain tonight

So, I've been feeling very emotional as of lately.

This Christmas and New Years was wonderful and I am actually looking forward to this year.

But I've been thinking and the mind is a dangerous weapon, as you most likely know by now.

It's just this week I started back at work and -don't get me wrong- I did miss it.
I missed the children.
Children remind me of the small joys in life that more people should take the time to remember to slow down and enjoy.

A piece of your favorite candy.
Light up shoes.
Drawing a stick figure picture.

Why can't we still enjoy all that?

Or take the time to enjoy your favorite hobby?
I enjoy both but seldom take the time to enjoy it anymore.

Anyways, backing up to my original point of this blog post.

Going back to work, I was reminded of what a breath of fresh air it was to not have to spend an hour listening to coworkers talk trash about other coworkers or talk about how I need to "live" a little and experience the real world or toss around the word; "innocent" and say it like it's bad thing to be. I forget the pressure I feel or anger I feel. I don't want to succumb to that and I know I won't but I get annoyed and frustrated with dealing with that and sometimes I really wish I wasn't in that environment. I wish I was at home with my cup of tea and able to be who I am and love my Jesus without hearing people tear others down.

Then there's these really great kids that I get to see and are excited to see me.
These kids that will grow up into what kind of teenagers?
What kind of adults?
Who knows?
They will grow up and I probably won't get to see who or how they'll turn out to be.
These kids I love so much and these kids who probably won't even remember me.
But I'll remember holding their tiny hands and watching them look up at me with smiles on their faces as we go for walks.
I'll remember holding them and comforting them when they're sick and be able to stop them from crying.
I'll remember putting them on my lap and watch them fall asleep as their tiny hands wrap around my fingers.
I'll remember all this and they won't and I probably won't be able to tell them about it when they're older.

Then there's things in my life that I know will change and I don't want to think about because it hurts to think about it but my mind takes me there anyways and tonight, I listen to twenty-one pilots to calm my emotional soul until the thoughts pass and my aching heart forgets all the sad thoughts and goes back to being excited about 2017 and Disney world and maybe even shoes that light up.

But we'll see.

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