Hello

Hey, so when I took my very long break from blogging in which you were not sure whether or not I'm coming back, I learned a few things. So, I will share what I learned but I have to say that I probably won't be returning. Towards the end of my blogging route, I mainly felt pressured to keep up the blog than actually enjoying blogging like I did originally when I first started out. I'll still keep my blog up because I did share a lot of writings, thoughts, that sometimes I need to look back over again and be reminded of or re-discover. However, here is my explanation of why I won't return and what I learned;


I spent a lot of my life insecure of myself and trying to find security in other people’s opinions of me, and how popular I was or wasn’t. But I’ve learned a lot about me this year, and I’ve grown to like me and feel secure about myself and I don’t think it was until then that others became secure in me because they really got to know me. I wasn’t a girl cautious of actions for fear of what people might think, I am a girl who is me and doesn’t have to think before being herself anymore or letting her guard down and I think people can notice that because when you’re cautious I think people aren’t sure why you aren’t yourself. Instead they question you, and question whether they can be their self around you. It doesn’t make you popular and it doesn’t feed you self confidence. That has to come from yourself. And now, I don’t care whether I’m popular or whether people like me. I don’t do things to get attention or to be well liked. When I write something, I write something for me. When I create something, I create something for me. And I don’t feel the need to post everything I write or create in hopes that people will accept me. Some things I create or write simply for myself. And I think that’s a great feeling, and a great feat to accomplish. I am in no means self-absorbed or so highly full of myself. I know I have flaws, faults, just like everyone else. But I have learned that there are some things you can’t change and shouldn’t have to change, but rather embrace. And that’s where the true beauty lies. So my point in this was that I think I did rely or seek acceptance through your opinions of my writings and how popular my postings got. I created them no longer for me, but for my audience. Now, not only am I not so focused on writing a post every day that I forget to breathe and live life, I am living life and I'm still writing and creating, only I am doing it for me now. I write songs, I write poems, I even wrote my own story and I write until I, myself, am satisfied with the outcome. And I'm still dancing, and going to school, and I'm getting good grades for myself, and dancing as well as I can for myself, and making friends by being myself. I am still having pie nights, watching Disney movies, reading really good books, and trying to strengthen my walk with my Savior Jesus Christ. Therefore, everything is going well with me, and I hope things are going well with you. I hope you all are writing for yourself, creating for yourself, and are comfortable with yourself and how God made you. I hope you don't get wrapped up with the need to feel accepted or popular in this world, because that isn't what life is about and it can't promise you happiness and it doesn't really matter at all at the end of all things. It really doesn't.

And so, this is where I leave off letting you know what I discovered and why I can't go back. Because I am not who I was then, and I have things to do and life to live and I don't ever want to go back into the habit of living and writing to impress.

HAPPY THANKSGIVIN'

Just popped in to say I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and are as excited as I am for the Christmas season.

MERRY CHRISTMAS SEASON!

Is this Goodbye?

Dear Blogging World,

Is this Goodbye?
I don't know.
 I wanted to say I'm sorry though for not posting for so long and without an explanation.
I definitely have not been feeling motivated to blog anymore as of now.
Blogging can be enjoyable but it's also stressful.
You feel like you need to keep up with it constantly, to check out everybody else's blogs, and sometimes it even feels like a competition.
I mean people can get competitive over blogs and want theirs to be better than yours.
And then sometimes you lose the point of your blog; which is to inspire, and instead you just want or are waiting for comments and new followers so you can be proud of your blog.
And if you don't get comments or followers, you think no one is reading your blog.
Which then turns stressful again because you think; What's the point of my blog then?

Well, here's what I have to say. Blogging seems to go in and out with people. Sometimes, they are consistent, sometimes they are inspired, and sometimes they have free time. They'll post when they can, and read when they can. That's how it should be with you too. You shouldn't take it so personally in the blogging world or worry if your post gets a lot of views or not. Just post it and see what happens. If nothing happens, nothing happens. It's not a competition and you don't have to get a bunch of comments on every post.

This is what I think I've learned from my break. I've slightly missed blogging because I miss documenting my adventures or thoughts. But at the same time, it's immensely freeing to not have to worry about it. I'm afraid that if I start back up, I'll get sucked up again and lose sight of the fun in it.

SO, I don't think I'm ready to come back yet. Maybe over the Christmas holidays, or after the Christmas holidays, I'll have a few posts up my sleeve. But, I'm not 100% positive yet. We'll see.

Until then, I hope you are all doing well. I am doing well. November has been treating me well. I promise. The colder weather, the Starbucks holiday cups, the premiere of Thor 2, the fairgrounds, and the promise of an upcoming Thanksgiving break and Christmas season has kept me happy and content. How's your November? Go ahead and describe it to me in the comments, I promise I'll read them all when I get back on here next.

I will be back... this is only goodbye for now.

Love,
Sophie

I don't understand why the sea is so salty.
I don't understand why when I look into the ocean, I see a fragment of who I used to be and the tears I used to cry.
I don't understand how the waves just carry on endlessly and never tire.
I don't understand why we can't be like waves, carrying on endlessly without tiring.
Why the seagulls cries sounds like the voice in my head mocking me for dreaming.
Why I could never just enjoy the ride and be normal instead of creating metaphors and calling back memories and holding on and letting go and analyzing and remembering.

I do understand boats.
I understand how they are strong and dependent (usually).
How they carry you away from wherever you are, happy to take you to new sights and to see new things.
I understand how they can just float a long, happy to be their self.
I don't understand why the sea is unsettling but boats are calming.

One and One does not always make two.
Rhymes don't always equal me and you.








October, I understand we must say goodbye to you.

Sweater Weather

I'm just briefly going to comment on this weather.... it's beautiful, wonderful, fabulous and amazing.

I had two cups of coffee day, my sweater is hugging me, the smell of amber is in the air, and I'm feeling quite adventurous and happy.

 

Go have adventures, go outdoors, go be happy.

October, October

I'm sorry October hasn't brought you many posts.

Octobers are busy.

But beautiful.

I tell you what. Our dance studio is doing a zombie/dance version of Thriller at a Fall festival coming up soon, so we've been working and having fun with that. I'm really psyched. I'm being a princess zombie. :)

Also, our studio has been having rehearsals for our HUGE Christmas performance at Botanical Gardens in December. So, I've been busy but having fun with that as well. Christmas is my favorite. <3

As well as this, I've been having school projects and papers to do. I guess we're half way through the semester so things are starting to heat up.

This weekend, we got to go up to Sweetfields Farm; a cute little Farm where we saw pig racing, an adorable huge cow, got to experience our first corn maze, taste fresh homemade apple cider, and look around at their pumpkin patch and activities and etc. It was fun, quaint, and perfect to do with my family. After that we met up with our church for a cookout and some volleyball playing. That all took place Saturday. Then Sunday, I had to go to a school play which wasn't all that fun and I taught Sunday School which was fun/stressful and in the evening we all watched Toy Story of Terror together and then I watched Once Upon a Time. Toy Story of Terror is really cute if you haven't seen it. <3 It's an ABC short Halloween special. And then that episode of Once Upon a Time was pretty darn amazing too. So, the weekend was great.

The only downside to it all, is that I got sick and still am kind of sick. And now it's Wednesday, which means more business and school.

But October has been beautiful all around.

Really, beautiful.

How has yours been?

 

 

(I'm really sorry for not being on here a lot... life is hard to catch up on sometimes.)

The Other Night Vs. Tonight

The other night, the moon looked like a smile and so I smiled back.
The air was cool and the streets were nice to walk upon.
The coffee worked it's way through my bloodstream and ignited my bones with life.

Tonight, Glee wrecked me.
I don't know if anyone saw the Cory Monteith tribute episode, but it's heart wrenching.
Now, I'm sad.

It's a passing notion, I know it will be. But heartbreak... it's so hard to watch.
And it just reminds you of how real it is, and how fragile life is, and to love and treasure and cherish every moment of it.

So, tomorrow I'll probably remember to love and cherish and maybe I won't be sad then. But right now, I see their faces in my mind, and the tears and the quotes... and I feel sad because death and sadness is real. It's not acting.

Glee is not my favorite show.
Sometimes it has good messages, but sometimes I really don't agree with their messages AT ALL.

Tonight, though. Tonight's episode made good points, and it was beautiful and it was sad.

 

 

"If I start crying, I'm afraid I will never stop."