OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCTOBER

Today is a good day.
You know why?


IT'S BECAUSE IT'S OCTOBER.
October means pumpkins, means Fall, means hay rides, means corn maze, means cider, means more pumpkin coffee everythings, means family traditions, means spooky movies with my friend Heidi, means candy, means The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown, means SO MANY EXCITING THINGS.


I love Fall and hopefully it will start to cool off in FL sometime soon. *I hope*. If not though, it's okay, because in my unit it's always cold and I can always bundle up and pretend it's cold outside. 


New months are exciting and especially if they're Octobers. Also, our school is giving away free Dunkin Donuts  (probably because it's October and they're just so happy) , I have a day off of my weekly chore duties, annnnnnnnnnd NEW SEASON OF CRIMINAL MINDS AIRS TONIGHT. I'm sure my new husband (Matthew Gray Gubler) is just as excited about this upcoming month as I am considering that he's a big Fall enthusiast as well. Honestly, sometimes I feel kinda sad since FL only gets a "pretend" Fall, but the more I think about it, I'm glad that I still get to celebrate it and that I get to celebrate here with my family and friends, and it would definitely feel off and not like Fall if I spent it anywhere else than here in FL. *Perspective*


So yeah. I'm kinda thrilled about today. And I'm kinda thrilled for the upcoming days.


I LOVE FALL.


Okay? Okay.

Yesterday was a day of Coffee

Rain + National Coffee Day (which = Free WaWas coffee) = Happiness.

Rain. Rain. Rain. Rain. Rain. Rain.




























And More Rain.

All in a single breath.

Dum.Dum.Dum.
My heartbeat feels like a-
dum. dum. dum.
The rain whispers like a-
shhh.shhh.shhh.
My ribs are a-
crack.crack.crack.
I am a -
stirrrrr. stirrr. stirrrrrr.


Of emotions. Unsaid words. Think too much. Brain hurts. Sound waves. Deaf Voice. Mute Me. Their choice. Lost it. Maybe. Still find. More peace. Makes sense? Not to you. But to me. Heart hurts. Heart mends. Life's hard. But love wins. Still find. Beauty in the end. Still find. Beauty in the end.


I still find beauty in the end.


Life's hard. But God wins.


I still find beauty in the end.

Rain. Muffins. Hot Chocolate. Free Pancakes. New friends. Prayer. Missions.
                                                          Life.

Translucent

Do you ever get that weird feeling that your skin is so translucent and that everybody can secretly see what is laying on and crushing your bones and what scratches and tears are etched on your heart? Sometimes I do. Sometimes I feel so absolutely vulnerable and exposed like a photograph that is just newly developed that you hang out to dry and wait for it to show the picture and you're intrigued trying to see how it'll turn out, but then you can either be disappointed with how it turned out or thrilled but I'm always afraid I will be the photograph that people are disappointed in and I also feel like people can see that. These are just fading feelings. I know they don't last. But I really hate when they come on because sometimes they come out of nowhere like a thunderstorm and all the sudden you're a different person than the happy girl the other day who felt confident and knew she had her friends and was happy to see people and not thinking for one second that anyone was judging her. But part of it is because it's easy to love people at their best. Or at least easier. It's a lot harder to love people seeing them at their worst. So when something comes a long that brings you to feeling your worst, it's harder to go back to being at your best. And that's when you feel translucent. Because you know people saw you happy and fine but when you're not, can people see that? Because sometimes I don't want them to see that. And all of the time, I wish I could just move on from a simple problem and be back to where I was before the problem came a long. But it takes time, and prayer, and a lot of help from the Lord. Bottom line is, I shouldn't care if I'm translucent. I shouldn't focus my time and energy on that. But I should focus my time and energy on the joy of the Lord and the peace and happiness that comes a long with this. I just have had a lot of thoughts, and a lot of pressure upon me, and writing gets it out. It sorts out my thoughts and sometimes it helps me realize what I need to do. I can come in knowing what I'm going to write but have no idea how I'm going to end. And that's the beauty of writing. It reveals people's souls and what's on their heart. I know this feeling will fade and I will get back to where I was a few days ago and I know everything will be okay and I know I can never deny the love I have from my Savior and the love I have for Him. And I know that His great love is my hope and my joy.

Fall Breeze

The new Fall breeze is blowing everything in the past away today.