2015/2016

The start of 2015 seemed really promising.

The first day of the New Year.

I think we all have high expectations or wishes.

But really, it started out nice.

School was going good,

but twenty-first birthday went well.

But then, 

two major changes happened.

Boom.

Out of the blue,

I was off guard.

Unprepared.

I didn't have my armor up.

I could not and did not see it coming.

Life-changing changes.

Four months of 2015 were really good,

But eight really weren't.

There were good moments.

I have a lot of good memories to keep.

And you know,

maybe I had even better lessons to learn.

I did a lot of growing and I know I needed it.

At this rate, I know I still have life growing events coming up.

So, what do I say to this New Year?

I can't say I am ready because I am positive I'm not ready.

But I also know it's coming whether I want it to or not.

Whether I'm ready or not.

So, even though I am not ready,

I want to rely on God's strength to get me through this new year just like He got me through 2015.

I want to put on the armor of God and be ready to face spiritual battles thrown my way.

I want to go into it in prayer and leave it in prayer.

I want to be ready for things I don't feel ready for.

I want to fight,

and I want to get through it,

and I want to grow,

but I also really would like a few less curve balls this year.

I would like gentler waves.

But you know what?

Sometimes in life, you just don't get that.

So, I would like that whatever God's will is, that it be done.

And I would like my heart to want that even though I know it might not be easy.

2016.

I am Lord willing graduating this Spring.

It will be my last college semester as far as I can tell.

And right now, I have no earthly idea of what I am doing after.

I know the unknown will be coming to greet me soon.

And it's scary and I wish I knew.

But I don't.

And maybe for good reason.

So, I want to trust in You Lord.

And I want to rely on.

And I pray for guidance so I may know how I can serve You and live out what You have in store for me after graduation.

Well, and throughout life.

But I'll take it one step at a time.

2016.

What a number.

Snow

Picture waking up to a world of white, which is totally bizarre when you're a Floridian, going on a vintage train ride going through this world of white with folksy music playing while sitting facing the windows giving us views of frosty ice rivers, fields of snow, snow flecked pine trees, and a cup of hot cocoa in hand. Then take a break from the snow and eat lunch in a cute 50's themed restaurant. Then walk downtown and visit cute well lit shops while the snow falls down a bit harder but not in an unpleasant way. Visit vintage shops and general stores, see cute trinkets, everything moose and bear themed because they are quite popular in New Hampshire. Buy some a Moose sweatshirt and maple tea to try later at home. Look at everything Christmas themed and then go into a cute but hipster coffee shop called Mets. Get a Maple Latte but admire all the holiday themed drink items such as "Fa-la-lattes" and "Gingy Latte" and etc. Admire how artsy it is. Then go back and continue to admire the falling snow. Throw some snowballs at your family members. Have a huge snowball fight until your hands are frozen and icy. Then, when your ears are numb and nose red and insides chilled, drive back to your little getaway. Put on the gas lit fire, take a warm shower, and watch one of your favorite movies ("It's a Wonderful Life") before getting all warm and cozy in your bed and getting some shut eye. That was my yesterday. I want to tell you about today too, and I will. But right now, I'm going to go because I want to do more things to sum up this perfect day. But I will get back to you.

What you can learn in an airport at 5 am while waiting for a changed flight...

Laughter is sometimes the best when shared early in the morning.
I'm not a morning person but I'm quite wide awake.
Coffee suits my soul well.
Chocolate muffins are the best.
Despite the things I don't like about airports; they are still fascinating to me.
Watching people all over the world wait to go back home or go on a trip or go a family vacation.
And when you board the plane, you're together for a brief hour or two sharing a moment with strangers you most likely won't see again.

I don't want to get up this early every morning.
But I think early mornings before the sun is up are occasionally nice.
Someday, I'm going to drag my husband out of bed at 3 am and I'll brew some coffee and it will be cold out and we'll grab blankets, look at the stars, and pour out our souls and create memories in that moment.

Winter's Quarrel

winter breathed upon the ground/
told the leaves to scatter and soon they were nowhere to be found/
Snow White left its mark on every rooftop and tree/
winter's cold chilled the spines of human beings/

It menaced at fall until orange was no more/
it fought until fall was frozen to the core/
It ruled the land leaving terror every where/
eating away at the trees leaving them bare

But then spring pushed its way in/
With a breeze, a blade of grass and a flower/
So came at last, winter's last hour/
And so it happens, so it goes,
The seasons rotate and rule,
With each trademark, each comment, each duel.

Winter

Winter I'm ready for you;

New Hampshire let's go.

Merry Christmas

Dear Un-named,
I hope you're having a good Christmas too.
 It breaks my heart that you're not here with us.
It's been a good Christmas.
And I am thankful for so much.
But I do hope and pray that next year's will be even better.
I love you dearly.
And I pray that you will love Him dearly.

And readers,
I hope you have a Merry Christmas.
And I hope that you will take the time to appreciate and thank the reason we have to celebrate Christmas.
We're not celebrating a fictional character with a red suit, round tummy and white beard.
We're celebrating the birth of hope, the birth of our Savior, the birth of Jesus Christ.
Merry Christmas to all.

I just want to let you know that I miss you

On last Christmas Eve Eve, I visited my old lady neighbor and adoptive grandma and friend in the hospital. We gave her our presents in a hospital that needed a little cheer. It was the last time I saw her before she died. She was old and it was her time but it's still weird to me. I never really had an active grandparent in my life for most of my life. But she was a lady I visited often and brought meals to. She gave us gifts sometimes and made us cards for our birthdays. Some days I'd come inside and chat with her. She got to know my dog and called him a princess often forgetting he was a boy and not a girl. She always cared for us. My sisters and I. I was away at college when I heard she had passed away. It was sad but being away at college, it didn't fully register. I wasn't passing her house everyday or bringing her meals. But it's been a year since I saw her, and being home on my Christmas break, I think about her often as I pass her house that has now been bought by someone else and has a golden car in the driveway that seems like it doesn't belong. I guess today I just really realized how I miss her. She was like a Grandma to me and even though you always know that one day elderly people will die, but I still felt like she wouldn't. I still think it's weird that she'll never get to meet (if I do get one) my future husband or be alive when I have graduated college. She was there through a lot of my highschool years. Oh, time. Oh, memories. You bittersweet thing you.

{listen to bittersweet symphony by the aranbee pop symphony orchestra| I know it's not Christmas music but still}

The Christmas Card

Lemon Bars, Hot Cocoa, Einstein Bagels, Christmas Errands, Creepy Christmas House, Christmas Mad Libs, Elf, french braids, red nail polish, and a christmas card from a friend.

It's almooooosttttt hereeeee guyyyyyssssss!

White Christmas

Cookie baking, friends, Christmas songs on the piano, Christmas light looking in the park, candy canes, and family time.

Guys, it's almost Christmas.
And I'm dreaming of a white one.
Orrrrr at least a semi-cold one.
Please.
Just have it be lower than the estimated 80 degree Christmas.
Pretty please.

The Free Starbucks Drink

I don't know what it was,

but today was a good day.

The church sermon today focused on "The Word became flesh" (John 1:14)

and how Jesus not only humbled himself coming into the earth as a baby boy,

but also how He left His perfect home and Kingdom 

to this broken, broken, sad world just for us.

It was a good eye opener and reminder.

Then I went to starbucks and this guy with a scruffy beard and wide brown eyes gave me a free venti starbucks drink because apparently a lady at the drive through changed her mind and didn't want it.

There were other people in starbucks but he asked me first,

and it was kind of him.

Acts of kindness are things I want to do more often.

I want to look more like Jesus.

Then after lunch and a nap,

my little sister and I had a movie afternoon and watched the Santa Clause 2 in my room.

I put on three different christmas lights,

I lit four different candles,

and we cuddled up and enjoyed a christmas movie together.

After dinner my family and I made some hot cocoa and went on an adventure to see this decked out house and came back and watched "How the Grinch Stole Christmas".

I'm going to be honest, there have been a lot of ups and downs this Christmas season.

Some tradition things we haven't been able to do.

And some newer christmasy things I have been able to do.

But with three days until Christmas Eve,

I'm starting to fill up with Christmas cheer.

Especially when I think of what Jesus has done for me and did for me.

And the whole world.

My mighty savior, my prince of peace,

Glory to Him in the Highest.

I'm also excited because after Christmas I am going to New Hampshire for a bit.

And I might get the chance to do this;

Here's to hoping that it snows and I can go on a sleigh ride!

Merry Christmas, guys.

Want to tell me some of your Christmas traditions/memories?

Yes, Today, Just Yes

New park adventures,

cooler weather, 

boardwalks,

tree climbing,

downtown charm,

christmas lights,

quaint shops,

fancy restaurant with a christmas tree inside,

chocolate and peppermint latte,

cold night walks,

dutch christmas cookie making while listening to christmas music,

eggnog,

christmas gift exchanging,

watching;

winnie the pooh and christmas too,

a house christmas episode,

a sabrina the teenage witch christmas episode,

and an arthur hour long christmas special

all by the christmas tree filling up my nostrils with a beautiful pine scent.

This day was cheery, merry, and bright.

And everything was right.

The whole day and evening was christmas filled and spent with my best friend.

Today was full of warmth,

I can describe the events, but not the memories.

Not how it felt,

or how it shone in my eyes.

Or how close I hugged it to me.

Or how the talks about our everyday life and past memories just meant a lot more than you can put in words sometimes.

I get the line; "hearts all aglow" now. 

I always thought what a funny line that was.

But now I get it.

Because my heart was all aglow.

Today was just good.

Yes,Today, Just Yes.

Guys, it's almost Christmas and I feel it.

One Week until Christmas

This is a Christmas photo of Mr. F. Scott Fitzgerald and his family.

I don't know why but I saw this photo from a literature book once and fell in love with it.

It's different, it's old, and I like it.

F.Scott is one of my favorite authors.

The way he writes, the way he words things, and his meaningful quotes just make me love him.

But you know what?

I learned some things about him and about how absent he was from his friends and family.

I don't find that very admirable.

I think sometimes he lived in a fantasy world rather than in his own world.

It's okay to have dreams and lessons and words to write and stories to tell,

but life is the one story you really have.

It's important that you truly live it and live it with the people you love.

It's important to draw them close and near to you and cherish it.

I can't help but wonder if he really cherished this moment in that picture.

Were they whole at that time?

Was he around and there for his family?

Or was it just a picture.

A picture taken to show the world that sure, they were a happy family.

I hope that's not the case.

Because I love that picture and I'd like to believe that it was a good day for them.

That they were having fun as a family and decided to take a weird family picture in front of the christmas tree.

I hope that day was full of laughter for them even though they decided to be serious in the photo.

I'd like to believe the best for them.

But enough about that.

There's a week until Christmas.

How're you going to spend that week?

Stressing about last minute shopping?

Getting fed up with the world's craziness and grumpy customers?

Or, are you going to keep your loved ones close and make moments to cherish with them.

If you can do the latter, please do the latter.

Be more than a fake happy picture on a Christmas card.

I know a family is made of more than one person.

So maybe you can't do that.

But if you are that person who is distracted,

that person who isn't living their life but lost in another's life,

don't.

Don't forget to live.

"I hope you live a life you're proud of"

-- F.Scott Fitzgerald

"Sometimes you have to bleed to know that you're alive and have a soul"

-- Twenty-One Pilots

I think I know I'm alive though now.

I'm ready for the bleeding to stop.

Lord, if it's your will, please heal what has been broken.

Make us whole.

I lit a candle for you

But you closed your eyes when you thought the rain was actually dew.
Now, I don't know what to do.
But I know I lit a candle for you.
You will never light a candle for me,
But I lit a candle for you.



{take what you get from this and leave what you think here}

Be more

I can write about you in classic literature in my mind,
But the truth is that you're modern literature and it's not as beautiful no matter how hard I pretend it to be.

People don't try anymore, they don't fight, they just are.
They just exist.
And I can hear them fading into the dust and settling.

I've never been much of a settler.
I want passion and I want it to be written across your eyes.
Show me something.

Be something.

Be more than modern literature.
You can be classic.
Men can be gentlemen.
They can be leaders.
They can be more.

Be more.

Joy

My room is lit for Christmas,
I have new candles to light as well,
I have a book I am reading that is giving an in depth look to Mary's character and role from the Bible,
And I just think this upcoming week will be good.

I'm ready for some Christmas spirit.

The Lord has promised us joy if we choose it.
I think as a kid I used to really get caught up in the materialistic kind of joy.
But now I realize that never was joy.
That was temporary happiness that the world gives.
Joy is everlasting.

I'm not saying getting gifts are bad or anything.
I'm just saying it's nothing in comparison to true joy which is a gift from God.
Something to be celebrated each year.
And I know we can celebrate it anytime we want to,
But Christmas time really highlights the gift of joy because it comes from the gift of Jesus Christ bringing hope and peace and joy when He came down to the earth in human form to save us from our consuming and condemning sins.

We find life through Christ.
In that, I find joy.
And I want to focus on that during Christmas.
I only wish my younger self had focused on that more too.

Goodbyes and Hellos and New Adventures and Mixed Emotions

This year has been a lot of playing catch up for me.
I've constantly felt like I have been catching up with what life has been giving to me.
From new friends, to new schools, from bad changes to good changes, to hardships, to laughter, to going out of the country on my first mission trip, to tears.
There's been so much.
So much heartache.
So much beauty.
So much.
I can't even process it.
I know it's not New Years yet so maybe I shouldn't be doing this.
But I can't help but think about this as the semester ends.
As my best friend that I only became best friends with this year, leaves to go back to MA.
As two friends I made this semester leave the new school I've been getting to know this semester.
Life has just been so crazy for me.
I don't even know what to do with this.
Except praise God.
Praise God through the good times.
And in the bad times, praise Him still.

Sometimes I feel really weighed down.
But I'm just thankful for God and the freedom He gives.
I just know I don't always take advantage of this freedom.
A lot of times I remain chained to these feelings and chained to the heartache.

But I don't have to be,
And I don't want to be.
I want to be free.
That's why I need to keep rooted in Him.

That's what I need to do with life.

Sophie is a free elf

Finalsssss areeeee doneeeeee!
I'm free.
And I'm coming home for a month.
Hullllllo Christmas break,
I love you dearly.

“I am [in your world].’ said Aslan. ‘But there I have another name. You must learn to know me by that name. This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia, that by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there.” 

― C.S. Lewis, The Chronicles of Narnia

Jesus, you're all that matters.

And street lights glisten

Peppermint Mocha Coffee, colder weather, christmas light looking and a beautiful walk, Austenland.

Today had good moments.

Also,

I want a Mr.Darcy.

Dot dot dot

I was hugged by a stranger today.
I've never been hugged by a stranger before.

Christmas, I love you

Today was full of Christmas spirit. From my ugly Rudolph sweater, to a
Christmas photo booth, to hot chocolate, cooler weather and a double Christmas movie watching feature. I love Christmas. Also, my last day of classes happened today. Now I just need to get through Finals week.

Invisible man

Invisible Man, 

on the road,

gone with the wind,

in search of lost time.

The stranger for whom the bell tolls the sun also rises.

As I lay dying, things fall apart.

The heart is a lonely hunter;

An american tragedy,

white noise.

The remains of the day under the volcano;

the unbearable lightness of being,

tender is the night.

Sophie's Choice; take it or leave it.

---

---

I've had so many good memories these past two days.

Polaroids,
Christmas Parties,
Sparkling Cider,
Christmas Cookies,
Pizza
Laughter,
Joy,
Bonfires,
Worship,
New Friends,
Starbucks.

It's been good.
Real good.

The above poetry was inspired by an idea I saw from someone else.

It's all put together and made by book titles.
There's not a phrase there that wasn't taken from a book title.
I don't know if you caught on to that or not.
It was a lot of fun and you should try it sometime.

I don't know what to say guys.
December has started off well.

Eyes

With distracted eyes,
Come easy lies,
Come blurred directions,
In multiple sections,
of life.

We need to focus our eyes,
Actually get up and try,
To live a pleasing life to God,
Find a steady path to trod,
and glorify.

The Creator,
The Savior,
The Redeemer,
Who made life more,
The lamb,
Clothed in blood,
Sacrificed,
Turned rain into a flood,
Of grace,
washing us,
of love,
of trust,
My Lord,
My King,
My Friend,
My Everything,
The one who helps and holds,
Keeps us safe inside the fold,
While we were wandering,
searching,
with distracted eyes,
looking for lust,
looking for gold,
letting our hearts grow cold.
Cause we are looking in all the wrong places,
full of sin,
full of death.
Looking to Satan who wants to take away our life,
take away our breath.

Because our eyes didn't see...

How broken are we?
Oh, how broken are we?

You Oh Lord,
You save,
you heal,
You ache with us,
you feel what we feel,
even when we wander.
Even we we do not see.

You open our eyes,
and you forgive us each time.

Turn them back to You I pray,
 and keep them far away,
 from me.

Bring Out The Holly

Today we set up our indoor Christmas decorations,

we trimmed the tree with ornaments,

ate some chili,

had hot cocoa and pie,

played christmas charades,

watched Rudolph and some old Russian christmas shorts,

and of course listened to christmas music.

And now I am listening to an Acoustic Christmas playlist,

feeling comfy and cozy in my bed with some lit christmas lights on in my room,

and feeling full of the joy and magic of christmas.

Christmas always makes me feel like anything is possible.

I don't know why it does, but it does.

I'm just ready for the impossible.

And I am ready to spread love and joy.

Let the season commence.

Thanksgiving and the such

I am being very bad at keeping up with November. 

But I am okay with that so I hope you are too.

You see, life keeps me busy sometimes.

But I am enjoying that.

I hope your Thanksgiving was swell; mine sure was.

It consisted of yearly Thanksgiving soccer (in which I scored two goals).

A little bit of watching Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Starbucks Gingerbread Lattes with the sis.

Watching some of a Hallmark Christmas movie.

A Thanksgiving Feast full of all my favorites; turkey, cranberry sauce, sweet potato casserole, rolls, mashed potatoes, coffee and pumpkin pie.

Family, and friends.

Laughter and sharing of stories and feeling united together.

Exchanging little pieces of our lives.

Making memories and jokes.

Talking politics.

Ending the night full of food, but most importantly, full of joy and love.

Today was good too.

It was yearly after Thanksgiving day softball.

Spaghetti.

Enchanting lights in downtown st.pete, christmas music, family time, a cute little food market, dandelion soda, and amaretto espresso shakes.

I am just thankful for my life.

For my family.

For the small moments.

The unique experiences.

A break from the mundane and room for adventures.

Traditions (the old and the new).

Life is good guys.

Let's not forget it on our bad days.

Bad days do not equal a bad life.

Dream with Opened Eyes.

Hey There

So, I've missed a few days. 

I've been on vacation.

So, I'm going to kind of just make a big combo post of things I've done and am thankful for this past week.

Mornings.

 Early mornings.

 Mornings where the world is still sleeping and the air seems still.

But deep excitement is within you because you're awake and living and breathing and moving and headed to a destination.

And at 4 am you can look out your plane window and see the moon bright and full and the cities you're passing are just a bunch of tiny dots and you are on top of the sleeping world looking down upon them all and you're so small and so alive and the world is a vast endless sky.

And then the sun begin to rise and illuminate the world and alert them that they must awake and move and begin and join the early risers to see the day in a new light.

Orange, pink and yellow replaces the dark purple, grey and black with the specks of tiny colors stitched into it's clothing.

Cold Air and Fallen Leaves.

Shedding the early part of the year and prepping itself for a new one so near.

Saying goodbye to the constant green and taking on deep red, yellows, and oranges for but a breath,

before the colors are gone completely.

The cobble stone streets of Williamsburg where history is no longer in the past but brought before your eyes.

As you walk and find warm coffee to heat your throats and insides and see the shops all decorated for christmas and you hear the person playing christmas music on the flute as you pass lighted trees and an ice skating rink.

Museums filling your brains with facts you never knew,

and letting your imagination take you to what once was real,

and replicas and historic grounds.

Ships like the ones people sailed to America in.

Breakfast with Martha Washington.

Colonial dances to learn.

James River.

Jamestown and Yorktown.

Family time.

Coming home.

I needed a break and I had a good one.

I am thankful to God.

For getting to go to Virginia.

For spending time with my family.

For realizing how blessed I truly I am.

For coming home and appreciating my dogs.

My church family.

Life.

A Thankful Thought and a Prayer Request

Nov.18th

I am thankful for my family.

I'm thankful to be back with them for a week and a half.

I'm thankful for our differences and the good times and bad.

I am thankful for their love and unending support.

I am thankful for my sisters even if we have funny ways of showing it.

I am having a hard day.

A hard couple of days.

I'm just being straight up honest.

This weekend was so amazing but the start of this week, even though I really had high hopes for it, it has just attacked me.

I don't even know where it came from.

Well, but actually I do.

I was really joyful and I was seeking God and I felt a huge want to glorify Him when coming back to school this week.

I'm sure the Devil hated that.

I know he wants to kill that joy and want.

And I'm pretty sure that's part of why I feel the way I do.

He's used circumstances, past experiences, insecurities, arguments, and worries to just overload and overflow on my mind and heart right now.

And I've been struggling.

I feel really low.

And I know joy comes from the Lord and I need to rely and hope in Him.

He is where my hope comes from.

At His feet is where I need to lay my burdens down.

But it'd be a lie to say I'm not struggling.

I'm battling big time right now.

Please, just pray that my eyes be fixed upon Jesus and that this sadness will blow away like a leaf in the wind.

I didn't want to write tonight.

I didn't want to write anything down that I was thankful for.

Because I didn't feel very thankful.

And then I realized that's why I needed to write down what I was thankful for.

And that I really needed to be thankful for it.

I'm glad to be here with my family.

My crazy, weird, and awesome and loving family.

I wouldn't want any other family.

It's broken and bent, just like everybody else's, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Our lives are strung together in one unit for a reason.

I am thankful.

Catching Up

Nov. 13th

I am thankful for sleepovers.

On Friday, we had friends from out of state come and stay at our house.

Basically, all of my friends from the mission trip we went on, came over and we had a reunion.

We sang songs, ate smores, and prayed together.

It was a beautiful, edifying night.

And then all the girls from out of state had a gigantic sleepover.

It was nice getting to catch up with family.

Nov. 14th

I am thankful for children.

On Saturday, we did ministry work and put on our program for kids.

We stayed and played all day with them.

Singing songs, putting on a skit, teaching bible verses, and just loving on them like Christ would.

This small ministry is steadily growing and it has taken a deep place in my heart too.

After the program, we also worked on a skit we were putting on for the mission trip organization's SOS banquet.

Then we grabbed coffee and all got ready for the banquet.

The banquet was christmas themed and so pretty.

But more than that, it was edifying and great reminder that I needed to hear. 

I need to remember to go out unto the nations and proclaim what God has done.

Not just on here.

Not just say I want to.

But really, just always be spreading the Gospel through words and actions.

Without fear.

Nov.15th

I am thankful for musicals.

Sunday I went to church with my friends and then went to IHop with them.

We had a great time altogether laughing and hanging out and eating cinnamon roll pancakes.

But unfortunately, during lunch, some of the out of state friends had to leave and goodbyes were said.

But thankfully, not too long after lunch,

I got to go see the Newsies with our El Salvadorian friend and my friend from school a long with my family.

It was a really awesome show and it was a really awesome time and I really awesome weekend.

After that, I had to depart and leave for school. 

But starbucks made the trek okay.

Nov. 16th

I am thankful for movie nights.

I got to hang out and sing a long to Frozen with some friends and it was a magical time.

Nov.17th

I am thankful for God's love.

Because for today, some reason, I don't feel very loved.

Well, I guess, I just sometimes don't feel very loved at this school.

And I know some people do,

and some people don't,

but even if everyone didn't,

God's love is enough.

And I am thankful for it.

And I need to focus on that today.

He has blessed me with so much.

Especially, with this whole weekend.

As you can see from what I've written, my days kind of have been busy.

With the exception of yesterday, but yesterday I was catching up on z's.

So, I didn't get a chance to update on here.

But that is my update.

Words cannot describe how wonderful this past weekend was though.

I love my family.

My related and nonrelated family.

God is good, guys.

All the time.

Nov.12th

I'm thankful for the opportunity of learning and being able to go to school.

Sometimes I complain about the college I go to now because it's not as great as the one I used to go to.

However, 

I am just lucky to be able to go to a college at all and to have the opportunities I've had to learn and grow.

Today I got the opportunity to work with a green screen and to "clone" myself in Audio and Video production.

It was actual really neat.

I got to see two of myself shivering in the snow.

I am pretty privileged to be able to learn and work with such programs and equipment.

I am blessed to have someone qualified and knowledgeable who also wants us to learn and succeed.

I am thankful for learning, growing, and school.

I take it for granted sometimes.

But today, I am thankful for it.

(Other side blessings; buy one get one free starbucks coffee, pizza, walmart runs, joy coming from the Lord, open mic night, free hot chocolate and pumpkin muffins, secret santa name picking, a real good time spent with friends).

Nov. 11th

Worship.

I'm thankful for worship.

I'm thankful for bleeding hearts and raised hands and cracking voices of passion.

I am thankful for bodies cramped together with one sole purpose for singing.

To worship our Heavenly Father; our Savior Jesus Christ.

To praise His name only.

People living completely different lives and walking different paths brought together to sing the same songs.

To our King.

The opportunity to be vulnerable and stripped away and raw.

To throw away the worries, doubts, weights of the day.

To forget the hurts and forgive the wrongs.

And to simply come and remember why we're here.

Why there's joy in the midst of suffering.

To worship.

Worship.

I'm thankful for worship.

"Because your steadfast love is better than my life, my lips will glorify You."

-- Psalm 63:3

November 10th

Today I am thankful for Christmas.

I love Christmas.

I love the whole season.

It's so joyful and magical.

I could go on about the things I love about Christmas.

But tonight I will just talk a little bit about it.

I didn't have any plans for the night but my friends and I impromtuly decided to have a homework study party in one of my friend's dorms.

Then it turned into a christmas themed one.

I brought my holiday flavored jelly beans,

brewed cinnamon vanilla nut coffee,

and strung a couple of lights

as my friend played christmas music and lit a tree smelling like candle.

It was lovely.

Then when we finished our homework, we watched a cheesy kind of stupid Christmas movie called;

"Christmas with the Kranks".

It was dumb.

But I had never seen it before and it was Christmas themed.

So, it was perfect for tonight.

It was just a taste of christmas before the christmas season.

I'm excited now. 

I can't wait for Thanksgiving and after Thanksgiving.

I love Christmas.

And I am thankful for what it is, the reason for it, the joy of it, and that it can make a normal day turn from normal to special.

Christmas is wonderful.

November 9thhhhhh

Today I am thankful for sleep.
For the ability to cuddle under covers and rest against a soft pillow and catch up on some sleep.
Life is exhausting sometimes.
Getting a chance to sleep is a gift.
I've known nights where sleep could not find me,
And let me tell you,
It's not fun.
So, I'm thankful for sleep.
I'm thankful for a bed to sleep in to.
I am blessed.

Nov. 7th and 8th

So, I said yesterday that I would post two posts but alas, the second one never happened because I became busy so I will write in this post what I am thankful for today and what I was thankful for yesterday.

Nov.7th

I am thankful for the gift of laughter. 

It's precious and beautiful. 

Joy, radiant joy.

To experience happiness with people is a great gift.

I went to a Tim Hawkins and John Crist concert yesterday.

They're both Christian comedians.

They were very hilarious and it was a great time.

It really made me appreciate just a night of laughter.

Watching a crowd of strangers in a church laughing.

It's great.

And I think about the little times we get to laugh during the day.

When our friends say something funny and we give a chuckle.

Or when we bust a gut and can't breathe so hard we're laughing.

Laughter is a thing I am thankful for.

Nov.8th

Car rides.

Not everybody likes car rides.

But sometimes I really enjoy a good, long car ride with a friend as you talk about things of middle school, mutual friends, abandoned hotels, and a neverending list of just whatever pops into your mind as the rain tip taps on the windows and the green and red traffic lights reflect off the pavement and onto the raindrops left on the window shield. 

Sure car rides can seem long.

But sometimes long is nice.

I've had a vacation car rides, and youth trip car rides, and day trip car rides, 

and

I've made many good memories in those cars.

Yes, I am thankful for car rides.

Nov.6th

Yesterday, I was pretty busy and so I didn't have time to blog. So, you'll have two blog posts for me today...

Last night I went and saw "The Diary of Anne Frank". It was a really well done production. It really portrayed Anne's life well coming from what was written in her diary. It also brought me to what I am thankful for now. I am thankful for freedom. I am thankful for the ability to live my life without someone seeking after my life because of what I am. I am thankful that I can go outside and appreciate the blue sky and green grass. I am thankful that I do not have to hide in an attic and live my life up there for more than a year. I am thankful for life and how good I have it. And I am sorry that I don't appreciate it enough. Sometimes the holocaust doesn't seem real because how could people do that? How could they treat other human beings that way? It doesn't seem like it could be possible. But it was and it did happen. And it's heartbreaking. And I am thankful that I don't have to live like that and sorry that people did have to live and die like that.

November 5th

November fifth. I am thankful for murals. Today, I went with one of my new friends on a journey to explore downtown lake wales and downtown lake wales is full of murals. Murals of downtown lake wales back in the day. Murals of railroads. Murals of just beautiful landscapes. Murals of Jesus carrying the cross. There's so many murals and I love it. I want to know why they were created.  I honestly wish I had an eye and talent for painting. Painting is so neat. There are stories you can paint in them. Uh. I just think they are so cool. But besides that, I also got to walk on a little pier covered in fake flower petals with a gazebo on the pier dock and go to Dunkin Donuts because someone lied and said they were giving out free donuts today and I also had drama club and had some improv. There were/are a lot of things I am thankful for today. But, if I had to choose one, I'm going to pick the murals because that's something that I find unique about downtown lake wales. Now, my fellow readers, I'm going to leave you with a Gilmore Girls quote. Because why? Because Gilmore Girls is the best.

Oh, and because they understand me and share in my addiction.

November 4th

Today, was a busy school filled day. I had a presentation and a test and it wasn't the funnest. But right now I'm listening to Death Cab for Cutie, writing, thinking about Christmas, and drinking coffee. And the evening is free ahead of me and it's nice to have a bit of time to myself. Time to breathe and stretch out and gulp the air and remember books I used to love and songs of my teenage years that I still love.

Today, I am thankful for simple things. Such as what I have mentioned. Some days we take the simple for granted. But it's a breath of fresh air sometimes and it can help clear your body from exhaustion and stress. Simplicity will always be a thing of beauty to me. So, here's a quote from my favorite book which I want to re-read now.

Nov. 3rd

Today I am thankful for friends. But, specifically, my best friend since highschool. Today she sent me a box full of candy and a cute magnet and a little note. It made my day. Her 21st birthday is in two days and in three days I get to see her and spend some time celebrating with her at Jamboree. I am just so thankful for this friend that I didn't even know or could guess would be this good of a friend and this long lasting friendship. She's my partner in crime, my food buddy, horror movie watching, holiday loving, disney fangirling, loving and caring and pretty good friend of mine. We pretty much do anything in life together and our interests are so similar it's crazy. I don't think I've met a person that was that much like me. She's crazy. And I love her. And she's my person. I am so thankful God has put her in my life and I am thankful for her and her friendship.

Novembre Dos:

Today I am thankful for surprises. Like a surprise turn around plan of coffee getting, Christmas tree looking, candy sushi, watching Tim Hawkins videos, knock off brand cheezits and Disney music. Today was a good November second and it's nice to have pleasant surprises.

Thankfulness

So, a lot of people pick a thing each day of November to say what they're thankful for... and I've never done it before. I don't know why. I think partly because it's a trend. But, honestly, out of all trends, that's not a bad one to follow. In fact, we need to be thankful for more often and this will help me be more aware of what I am thankful of and what I should be thankful for. So, even though I've already posted once today, here it goes;

November 1st- Day One:

I am going to start off with the number one thing I am most thankful for. The reason I can even be here writing what I am thankful for; my Lord and Savior. I am thankful for God and that He created me as well as the whole wide earth and made each of us so unique and beautifully designed. I am thankful that I have this chance at living and getting to know Him and meeting the people I have met and living the life I have lived. I am thankful that He so selflessly sent His son to earth and to die for us to save us for our condemning sins. I am thankful that Jesus has washed our sins as white as snow so that I and anyone who chooses to believe in Him may have eternal life with Him. I am thankful for my Jesus, and my God. My life would be nothing without Him. And I'd have nothing to live for without Him. 

Halloween

I don't really celebrate the spooky side of Halloween. But yesterday the tres amigas slept in, made cinnamon rolls and bacon and caramel coffee, chilled in our pajamas listening to a Halloween playlist (good ole thriller, superstitious, etc.), candy corn cookies, caramel apples, and turned wine glasses into art. For instance, I turned the wine glass upside down and made a pumpkin out of the large glass part and for the long bottom part I painted it green and made it the stem and I'm going to put tea lights on the bottom part of it. It's fun and relaxing and just what I needed. And it felt like a holiday. Afterwards, we all went to our friend's house and ate pizza, sipped some egg nog, watched a couple of scary movies, and played Clue. 

It was safe and it was fun.

 Annnnnd noooooow comessss the Christmas seasonnnnn!!!!! 

YAYYYYY I'M EXCITED. 

Gingerbread lattes,

decorated stores, 

christmas music, 

and the such.

And thanksgiving yes. I love both. But I celebrate christmas before thanksgiving because there really aren't thanksgiving songs or thanksgiving flavored starbucks drinks, so I dive in with christmas too. But I also look forward to Thanksgiving believe me. I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving week spent in Virginia for the first time ever. I'm excited to see Fall leaves. I'm excited to come back and bake pies all day. I'm excited for Thanksgiving soccer, and Thanksgiving dinner with family and friends and after Thanksgiving softball. I'm just excited.

one breath at a time

im caught in one of those time  moments again...
there's so much to do and so my days seem so long
but they're going by so fast
like november no you're not allowed to be visiting this weekend
october wait for me

You make beautiful things

And I will keep that in my head and save it for another rainy day...

But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart. (1 Samuel 16:7)

How completely terrifying and how completely beautiful.

My heart is terrifying to look at.

But I am so thankful He does not look upon outwardly.

He knows where our real merit lies.

And that's scary at times.

Because I know my heart does not always hold what I want it to hold.

But how reassuring that is.

That our beauty does not lie in our imperfect blemishes and crooked teeth.

If only we could do the same.

View hearts and not faces.

Homesick

As I drink my cup of tea and study for a test tomorrow,
I just feel really homesick.
Today was my church's annual hallelujah festival.

It always consists of hayrides, candy, and volleyball.

And I was here in the middle of nowhere (a.k.a lake wales).
Doing basically nothing.
And I miss home.

I miss church, I miss my dog, I miss my family, I miss my friends, I miss home cooked meals that are sufficient and fulfilling (besides just good) instead of questionable meat and a few french fries, and I miss my bed and my own room and being close to a dunkin donuts and just my life there. I really miss it. I thought the weekend would be nice to relax. And it was. But it was also very lonely. I like tv shows, but even the tv shows I like I'd rather watch with my family and friends than by myself all day. And I'd rather do my homework after being busy doing fun things with my family.

This may seem like a rant post, and I suppose it is.

I don't hate it here. But I hate feeling lonely and homesick. And I feel that right now.

And I suppose it's a bit selfish in a way. I'm lucky to get see them on certain weekends and I can go one weekend without a lot of human interaction and comforts of family and friends and home.

I can.

But this also makes me realize how lucky I am and how much I miss it.

Coup de Foudre

It all happened in the Walmart checkout line.
He was right in front of me and my friend.
Checking out bread.
Nice dressed.
Blue eyed.
Asking the check out lady to help him swipe his card in his adorable French accent.
Saying thank you like a polite gentleman.
And then we walk out after checking out our things.
And Lo, and behold,
He is parked next to us unloading his groceries.
Yes, it was Coup de Foudre.
Love at first sight.

Just kidding. But he was cute. And French.

I can taste the weekend

Come closer, a little closer, please.
But all in all, it hasn't been toooo bad this week.
I just want a couple of days with no school.
That's all.

Yesterday, however, I spent sometime helping out with a production of Charlie Brown Christmas put on by little kids at a church. They are so cute, and it makes it enjoyable to help out with them. When I was younger I wanted to be a preschool teacher. And while that isn't necessarily what I want to do now, I think God has placed on my heart ever since I was young, a soft little spot for children. After that, I had a good time at bible study with my friends. It was pleasant.

Today, my first class got cancelled and so I got to sleep in and then take a trip with a couple of my friends and get some dunkin donuts. I did some homework, had some classes, and took a nap and jammed to twenty-one pilots and a bonfire and smores night awaited me as well as the first drama club meeting of the year.  'Smoes and drama in one night. It was a blast. My hair smells like fire and my cheeks felt like they were sunburnt and my stomach was full of laughter. It was great.

And it's nice knowing tomorrow is Friday.
It's a comfort.
I like Fridays.

I can taste the weekend.

I like pumpkins and octobers

{Photo credit to muah}

In the corner of the library with an F.Scott Fitzgerald book

That may be where you'll find me.
Or by the Gazebo by the lake with a woman's bible study book.
Little nooks with my books.

Blustery Day

A blustery day

Radical Face

Cold Bedrooms with a Spot of Tea

Windy Walks

Pavilion Reading Alone Time

Cozy Hangouts

Learning to Dutch Braid

Getting my hair Katniss hair braided

Hot Apple Cider

Donut Eating Contest (In which I won)

Cookie Decorating

Friends

Getting my nails painted like Fall leaves

It's been a good day.

I'm glad it was a mixture of friend time and me time.

Because going out to the pavilion looking out at the lake and reading,

it can be very relaxing and even if I don't always enjoy what goes on at school;

I can always enjoy those precious moments by myself where I got away from distractions and was just me.

And One Day... Maybe I'll be wearing a white dress

and you'll be holding my hand and looking at me like there was love stuck in the corner of your eyes/
maybe we will dance to a love song with a sea of people watching us and under twinkling lights/
and maybe we'll shake things up a bit and I'll make you scream and dance to Shut Up and Dance with me because I won't have to do crazy things alone anymore/
and I'd even let you wear converse if I could go barefoot/
but most importantly we'd say our vows knowing we were meant to be and the wedding was God ordained and that we would have someone to walk through life with and to grow old with and to love and honor God with/

Friday Night Football is King

Yesterday was a brisk night.
There was Fall in the air.
I spent the evening walking around a neighborhood and handed out flyers with friends for a church program we were putting on in the park today.
I also saw a tree that actually was changing colors.
Then my family and I went to a football game and after that we got some pie.
Because what goes better with football games than pie?
I can't think of anything.
It was fresh and brisk and everything was Fall.
And today is Fall.
Playing with kids and eating pizza and later tonight a friend's wedding.

October Night

Last night was such an October night.
Maple Brown Sugar coffee,
Pumpkin Carving Contest,
Cheshire Cat Pumpkin,
Winning the Contest with my friend,
Night walks,
Cheshire Cat smile moon,
Midnight Madness,
Glow Sticks,
Dancing,
Gilmore Girls.

It was breezy, nice night and it was Octobery.
And today, I get to go home.
I'm happy.

But darling you're a flamethrower

Sometimes you catch the fire, but sometimes the fire catches you.
But that's what flamethrowers do.
I am made of flammable material.
If I face the fire, I might not make it through.

Darling, you're a flamethrower.
They say playing with matches a girl can get burned.
And this is a lesson I have already learned.
So keep your perfect smile tucked away from me and save your hellos for someone who can catch the flame,
But I don't take kindly to shifted blame.

Darling you're a flamethrower,
And the spark is over.
The spark is over.

{written about no one in particular}

Remember what I said about Autumny Days?

Well yesterday was one of them.

It started off rushed but mellowed out.

I learned and took some perspective shots in audio and video and that kinda boosted my mood because film is something I'm interested in. Using software and technology and editing is something I'm less interested in. So days when I get to practice perspective shots and other neat things like that, it's pretty great.

After that, I took my one simple homework quiz and that was it as far as homework goes.

So I opened up the blinds, curled up in my blanket and watched an autumny quirky movie called "Restless".

I've watched it before and it's a movie I quite enjoyed but I think it's an acquired taste for sure.

It's slightly twisted but endearing but really it's a movie that has an interesting concept for me and that's why I like it. It also takes place in Oregon around September and October so there's a lot of Autumn scenery which puts me in a good mood.

Basically, it's about this kid named Enoch who's parents both died in a car accident. 

So, he struggles with death and letting go. 

He crashes other people's funerals, trying to make sense of it because he can't.

At one he meets this girl and they get to talking.

She says she volunteers at the cancer ward but the truth is she actually has cancer.

When she finds out she is going to die in three months, she tells Enoch the truth.

He accepts it and he tries to do whatever he can to help her do everything she wants to before she dies.

He struggles with the fact that she is going to die, but in the end throughout their three months together,

she teaches him in the process how to live and how to let go.

So when she dies, even though it's horrible, it actually helps him come to terms with death and come to terms with life.

It's interesting to me.

But so anyways, I watched it while sipping a pumpkin spice latte and then I helped my friend Dottie bring in pumpkins to Student Life because tomorrow they are holding a pumpkin carving contest. 

Let me tell you, pumpkin lifting is basically like weight training. My arms are sore.

Then after that, we were early for an outside event they were holding at school. 

Free chikfila, bubble soccer, and an outside concert.

So, we helped set up the event and because we did, we got free a chikfila sandwich coupon , chickfila fries coupon, and a chickfila ice cream coupon.

Then I did a little Walmart shopping with friends and ended the night watching Insurgent with Dottie and friends as well.

It was just full of things and full of joy. I enjoyed it.

And today isn't half bad either as I'm listening to a happy hipster playlist and looking forward to a date with a book and reading in an outside pavilion by a lake alone and peaceful.