I know I should write more...

But,

I'm having a hard time.

As most people know, writing comes from inspiration and motivation.

Today, my writing comes from the small nagging in my head saying that I need to write which turned into motivation.

But I will let you know that the truth is; I haven't felt very motivated since I have left school.

I have all the time in the world to write now and I'm having a hard time doing it.

Instead I go over in my head a million and one outcomes of how I am going to find a job or what I should do to find one and most of them involve improbabilities such as moving out of state even when I have no money for my own apartment and still no guaranteed job positions and no car.

I'm having a hard time knowing what I should be doing and what I should be doing while figuring out what I should be doing.

I just had an interview at Starbucks last week and I applied for a full time position.

I haven't heard back from the lady yet but they did promise to call me.

I also talked to someone who suggested that I look into freelance writing jobs.

I have been looking into them but most of them state that if you get accepted that you will have set deadlines of when your writing is due and some of them may be short.

I think maybe I should still apply to these jobs but I'm worried about getting accepted to both.

I don't want to tackle too many things at once.

And, I am afraid of not being able to..

I know I can force myself to write anything.

But I am not able to force myself to write my best material and if I am not inspired or motivated, my material might not be my best.

I know that you don't know until you try.

So, perhaps I should push myself anyways.

But, it's stressful and nerve wrecking.