You know something? I don't have a lot to say today except that; I am extremely awkward.
Sometimes I don't even know why I'm so awkward. There are some people that I am completely comfortable around and can say whatever I want to say and not feel self conscious or even just not say anything because I feel totally comfortable not having to say anything and having it not be awkward. But then, there's some people that I just like freeze up with. I way over think what I'm going to say or try to be too careful with my words that I end up mixing them up or getting the words wrong anyways or phrasing them weirdly. It's annoying feeling nervous talking to people. Like, why does that happen? I don't even know. I wish I could control it and just not think or care and be my complete self with everyone, but I really am not sure I'm able. I don't know. Blarghahaha.
I guess though, in a way, this is how we find out who good friends are. Good friends will stick by me and my awkwardness and want to hang out still and eventually we'll get past my awkwardness and I'll be completely comfortable being me.
So, I look forward to that day where I find a guy who revels in my awkwardness and sticks around to see my awkwardness slowly start to fade away before his eyes and for us just to be really really good friends and then best friends and then more than friends. I want us to do normal things in extraordinary ways and love in an unbroken way and to be so closely knit together in a way that can only be managed because our hearts are so deeply rooted in God. And it'll happen.
If I ever find a guy to marry, it'll be that guy.
So, my awkward self, chin up and keep loving and being you regardless.
There's a Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow.
Last night I came to this conclusion. If I believe that God is faithful, if I believe that He is true and real, then I have to believe that He still writes love stories. I have to believe that He's still writing mine.
ReplyDeleteSo often I just want to rush things. But when I rush God I'm not trusting Him and in the end I will blame Him for the poor outcome that I caused.
Awkward is a good thing. It's unique and precious and really just enduring.
THANK you for writing this, Soph. You've expressed everything perfectly. I totally relate and understand it, and it kind of made my day to know that I'm not the only awkward person out there. (I mean, I KNEW I wasn't, but it was nice to have some proof. lol.)
ReplyDelete*hugs* you're awesome.
I pretty much want to ditto everything Treskie said. Cos she's right. everything you said was perfectly said!
ReplyDeletei actually gave up even trying to talk to people who i'm awkward around. my mind just goes freaking blank, so i just sit/stand there quietly, never uttering a word.
yeah, it can be rather miserable sometimes. but oh well. i'm learning to be ok with the fact that my mind isn't fit for those kinds of situations. :p
you're an amazing kiddo. also, excellent choice on that photo/ending quote. ^_^ <3
Omg Sophie!!! I am exactly like you!
ReplyDeletesometimes I dont know how to deal with my awkwardness in the front of people. but if I meet my future husband someday I just want to be me. I will be the real me when I am with the comfort people ( best friends and family) :)
Well we're young and I cant wait to see what's God going to do in the tomorrow days, but we are in the right place that we have put God first to take control of our life.
Hope you are well,
Blessing,
Delvalina
Yes... agreeeeeeeeeeeeeed. That first whole paragraph, and the second, and well, just all of it. I feel the same way and I've realized that the best thing you can do for yourself is to love yourself so that you can love others. Embrace your awkwardness and focus more on being yourself, rather than being worried about what you will say. I struggle with that SO much. Last Saturday was the first challenge I actually accepted from life to be around people I don't know that well and still be 100% myself and not uncomfortable or anything. I didn't think I could do it, but I did. And it was amazing.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait for you to meet your future guy!! It's going to be so fun to read about it here (if you write about it, haha). I can't wait for it to happen to myself, but it's so precious to watch others experience as well.
Love to you my dear! I hope you are having a great week!