Why do I write?

"Why do I write?", I ask myself.

I write because the monsters seem to run away when I do.

I write because the words are a bandage when my heart bleeds.

I write because the colors mix together like skittles instead of fading away like they do when I don't acknowledge that they are there.

I write because I don't feel invisible when I do.

I write because I might (might) just connect with someone else when the words on this page are read.

I write because writing can change the world and it can change me.

It has changed me.

For better or for worse;

I write.

Do you?

Why do you?

Even if it hurts

You don't know what you do,
but what you do breaks my heart everyday.

And I want you here everyday but I want you to love us and you don't.
And I don't want you here hurting us deeper and deeper,
So there's no answer.
I just want you to feel how we feel about you and I'm not sure that will ever be true.
So, I pray and pray and pray and wait and hope.

But hope- it can hurt.

Yet, I will continue until something changes.

I just don't want you to hurt us anymore.
And I want you to feel love because I'm not sure if you have loved before or are capable of it.
But you're apart of us whether you like it or not.
And we love you,
whether you like it or not.

So you break our hearts everyday because we love you.
And we can't stop doing that.
We won't stop doing that.

So, I pray and I wait and I hope.

And I will continue to do so until something changes.
Even if it hurts.

" breathing dreams like air " -- F.Scott Fitzgerald

Sometimes I wonder if dreams actually are made of paper because they sure seem to crumble pretty easily.

Yet, I still dare to dream anyways...

Yes, a dreamer I will always be.

A dreamer is rooted deep inside of me.

But sometimes I beg it;

please,

Set it all free.

Let the paper airplane dreams loose,

set it free.

Sometimes there isn't another option...

{Brick weighs more than my heavy heart/
But I'll take photographs and call it art.}

If there were words

It's been a year since I've seen you last;

The memory wounds still fresh from the past.

I know I should want to see you,

But secretly I don't want to.

If there were words to make you feel,

If there were words to make you heal,

If there were words (words of change);

But there aren't.

Nothing but a distant and stone cold heart.

I still think about you and always pray,

But I always struggle to find the words to say,

because what is there to say to someone who doesn't listen and doesn't care?

Someone who lives but isn't truly there?

I'm not sure.

But if there were words to make you feel,

If there were words to make you heal,

If there were words (words of change);

But there aren't.

Nothing but my bleeding heart.

So, I'll take it all and turn it into art.

Because I'm a poet and that's what poets do;

I'm just holding on to that someday where we will no longer be colored blue.

Let's talk about love

There are two very different kind of loves but I don't think people realize how beautiful both are.
A lot of people gush and talk about romantic love and I'm sure that is really and truly beautiful too.
However, I think people underestimate how beautiful a friendship love is.

The Bible says; "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." -- Proverbs 17:17

A friend loves at all times.
How beautiful is that?
Honestly, although sometimes I wish to feel that romantic love, I am very satisfied with having the love that bonds me and other souls together in a way I cannot describe.

I am so thankful for friendship.

That being said, I think it hurts just as much as unrequited love when a friendship ends as well.

Because although romantic love is strong, I think a true friendship love is just as strong.

Maybe I'm wrong because I've never truly experienced a romantic love like how people describe and say it is. But I truly have felt love that is deep and true when it comes to the love I have for my friends. I don't know what I would do without the friends I have and I hope to never find out.

But when I invest in a friend, I invest all the way.

I will always be there for my friends so long as I can help it.

I will weep when they weep and rejoice when they rejoice.

And I will love.
So deeply.

And sometimes this means I will get hurt.

But I've come to realize that sometimes I have no choice but to get hurt.

And in the end, it will always be worth it.

Because the love I have for my friends will always run deep.

Loud rooms; quiet me

[A room full of people laughing and talking while I am quietly sitting there; can make one feel more alone than being by myself in my room ever could]

But it does give time for reflection.