Pumpkin Seeds and Foley

So, my week has hit a few rough patches.
However, my Lord has brought joy to my heart and verses to convict me and guide me.
I really do see a lot of brokenness around here and it saddens me.
But I also see a lot of good and there's always hope for people.
Yesterday I was blessed by free coffee (courtesy to National Coffee Day) but also by a free donut from a very sweet person from my school and then just in fellowship and friendship itself.

Today, through tests and school, I find joy in pumpkin seeds that my Mommy sent to me,
Gilmore Girls,
annnnnnnd
believe it or not,
Foley.

I don't know how aware you guys are of what Foley is, but it's actually pretty cool.

Foley is when people use a various number of objects to make sounds for animated or real movies.
For instance, in Toy Story 2 when Bullseye is licking the cheeto dust off of Al's hand, the sound was actually made by recording the sound of a cow licking peanut butter off of a man's face.

Gross, yes.
But also, very cool.

We were assigned a project to add sounds to a silent film and I tell you I was very nervous at first.
Fancy software is not my thing.
Not my thing at all.

However, I ended up getting the hang of it and I will say it was actually kind of enjoyable.

To top it all off there is free chickfila tonight and Bible study/worship. I'm excited.

So yeah, also, there was a nice breeze.
And October is near.
And my Lord is amazing.
He really is.

My Heart Hurts For You Everyday

It seemed like such a blindside when it all went down.
I still cannot begin to understand it.
And sometimes, even though I pray for you daily,
I just try to forget about it all.
But I can't.
I love you.
I trust in the Lord and His grace.
But it hurts.
And I don't understand.
Oh how it hurts.
But that's love sometimes.

I know this is vague and anyone reading this will not understand,
But that's okay.

Labels

I hate labels. I really really really hate labels. It's going to happen and sometimes people don't even mean any harm by labeling you, but I hate labels. It doesn't have to be a bad label for me to hate it, I just hate it. 

Like people don't fit into these tiny boxes so don't label the package. 

There is more to them than what you label them and people don't always fall into one category.

\

I'm being a bit harsh because I don't mean to be mean about people who unconsciously do it.

I guess for me I just hate being labeled because once people label you, they think they know all there is to know about you.

And honestly, inside of me, I feel so pressured. Like it makes me want to do something to get that label off of me. I won't because labeled or not, I am still going to stick to my convictions and my morals.

In highschool I was the goodie two shoes, the one who was so pure and clean and wholesome and there is nothing wrong with that. Nothing. I am happy to be a person God wants me to be. But when they label me with that and make it sound like that's a bad thing... ugh I hate it. And here I am labeled as that too and even amongst my friends.

I'm not trying to act like or snob or anything. I'm just trying to decipher what's right in God's eyes and I wish people would stop throwing around labels and acting as if trying to follow what's right in God's eyes is a bad thing because it's not. I want to honor and glorify Him and I hate it when people act like I am in the wrong for doing that. Especially other Christians. They think I'm crazy for having high standards sometimes. I'm not going to judge you, but I am going to live up to my moral standards and I need people to stop making me feel bad about my moral standards.

Sometimes I really hate society and I really don't like being surrounded by people you can't take a break from.

Don't get me wrong, I love my friends and I am trying to have a love and compassion for everyone.

But I'm having an off day where I just want to be home and away from the labels.

Labels, labels, labels.

Five Musical Saturday

Today was brunch, maple brown sugar coffee, caramel apple cookies, pizza, pumpkin bread and five musicals.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it is possible to watch five musicals consecutively and eat that much crap in one day.

I feel like a Gilmore girl and I have no shame.

Today was a Saturday and Saturdays are grand.

Fall Friday Funday

Croissants, Donut Holes, Two Cups of Coffee, Raffles, Tabletop Pumpkins and Leaves,
Cancelled Classes, Short Naps, Packages in the mail from my Mommy that also contains my favorite Fall-time coffee (Maple Brown Sugar), Starbucks, and a free movie.

Broken Bits of Metal

This world tastes so much like rust sometimes.

And the oceans are filled by tears instead of by gentle falls of rain.

And the hearts seem more broken than whole.

Like sometimes I walk and I see holes in people chests, little bullets in their hearts.

Little bandaids that cannot mend the cracks,

And stitches that are infected because people left them in too long.

I just want to hold up the people that are melting like snowmen in summertime.

I want to paint smiles over frowns.

But holding up and painting on things are not fixing things.

Trying to hold up a melting snowman isn't going to keep the snowman from melting unless the sun's warmth is taken out of the picture.

Trying to paint a smile on the frown, doesn't remove the frown; it only covers it up.

              We humans are not fixers. 

                                               We try to be.

                                                                     But we aren't.

We ruined things that were already perfect.

One bite from an apple and everything was destroyed.

We're destroyers.

But gosh, oh gosh, if it had ended there.

If that was all there was to life.

Realizing we ruin everything we touch and not being able to do anything about it...

Thank goodness that's not how the story goes.

Grace covers us over and over and over again.

It's the song in my heart, it's the fixer.

It mends.

It heals.

It fixes.

The grace of God and His love and mercy.

That's why even though it may be weary walking around seeing broken people breaking things day by day, I can see God's grace fixing and healing day by day too.

And I know that even though the world tastes like rust,

The world will one day return to dust.

We won't be perpetually broken destroyers. 

We'll live in a sinless, painless, kingdom free from our chains and free from ourselves.

And free to be with our Father forever and ever.

Amen.

---

I'm taking these broken bits of metal and throwing them in the sky.

"For all the history of grief, an empty hallway and a maple leaf"

It's officially Fall. So what's better than finding a book in the library and reading a book of poetry? I understand now why a lot of poets like to write about nature. Nature is something beautiful and calming. In a rushing world full of people and cars and media, one can easily forget the beauty of getting lost in nature. There's simplicity in enjoying little breezes and stepping away from the loud world. I hope you were a poet for a day and enjoyed this Fall day and experienced it and then write about it, because why not? I just hope you didn't spend the first day of Fall inside. Please don't.

I spent the rest of my Fall evening wearing plaid, decorating Starbucks Fall cups for a contest, and sipping an infamous PSL with my lovely chicas and we were a bit hyped on Fall and coffee. It was perfect. And we rolled down the street with the windows open, tasting the wind, and feeling free spirited to a Bible study where we made friends and experienced joy and worshiped the Lord. It was a good day.

I can already tell as my spirits are lifting higher and higher,

it will be a good Fall.

"and all at once, summer collapsed into Fall"

-- Oscar Wilde