More water droplets, pizza, and a coffee shop.

Yesterday was another summer filled day.

Waterslides,

Westshore pizza,

pumpkin spice lattes,

and gilmore girls with my best friend.

Today is my Mother's birthday,

Greek food for lunch,

shopping, 

going out for dessert,

games,

an improv show,

and a sleepover,

These couple of days have been swell.

Some light among this past week of stress and trying to find a new college.

"It's been four years since weathertop..."

In Lord of the Rings, the last one, the four hobbits finally get to go home. They set out together and they go home together but they didn't stay together throughout the whole journey. Each hobbit suffered and went through stuff and grew and learned lessons by themselves out there. And then they come back. And there's this scene when they're in hobbiton and everything else is the same there. Everyone is happy and cheerful and wonderful. And the hobbits sit there and look around obviously different. And then they grab a drink and toast to each other. Shortly after that scene one gets married and a few years later, one moves away. For me, I know this is different, but it makes me think of my friends from my church. We were young, youthful beings. We grew there and were tight. But then, we kinda ventured out. We went on seperate journeys. But we all also return. However, returning sometimes feel like that scene where nothing else has changed around the hobbits, but the hobbits have changed. We can't recreate the past. We all have individually grown and changed in one way or another. It's strange. And sometimes people leave the group for good. And some are going or have gotten married. It's all different and only in matter of a few year time span. When you're in the beginning moments, you think it'll last forever. Being young and making waffles in the fellowship hall and playing kickball or soccer. Nights where you can stay later and you want to and are excited to be allowed to. And then fast forward and you're older and you'll go to village inn or Buffalo Wild Wings together and drink sodas and toast to each other on occasion but you won't go back to waffle making and kickball and wanting to stay later even though you actually can do that on a regular basis now.

---

Some of us try to, but everyone learns eventually that;

You can't pick up the threads to an old life.

---

“How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back. There are some things that time can not mend. Some hurts that go too deep... that have taken hold.”

 -- Lord of the Rings

We came all this way//but now is the day// to bid you farewell

I bid you all a very fond farewell

---

So, as I mentioned before.

My college closed down.

I leave very many memories in that place and in my heart.

I know a new adventure awaits me though.

You can refuse change,

but there's no use to that really.

So, I'm accepting that a new chapter awaits me and saying goodbye to the old one.

You know how usually when something drastic happens, like a breakup or just something big,

people will get a new hair cut or hair style or hair color or whatever.

Well, I've never done that before.

But my friend pointed out the fact that it is Summer,

A time for something crazy and adventurous.

And so we tried to dye the ends of hair with koolaid since it'd be temporary and not long lasting.

And what do you know,

it worked.

So, I embraced change with change.

I didn't really think about it that way until after I did it... but hey.

I want to wish CCC a proper goodbye though.

So, I grabbed some pictures, some good quality and memorable ones and some that are just kinda ridiculous and not even good quality pictures but that are still memorable to me.

I want to look back at this post someday and be reminded of this place that stole my heart and was a second home to me for a year.

The friendships that like seeds grew into flowers.

Small things that changed my life in ways I don't even fully understand yet.

From SPC to CCC, it was a huge difference and I loved it.

But I guess like Bilbo said; "I think I am quite ready for another adventure."

It's sad to leave, but finding another college, well who knows what it has in store for me.

Who knows what friendships I'll make,

who knows what growth it has for me.

But now, I'll give you my fond farewell CCC.

Thanks for the memories. <3

I'll always love you.

From late night walks, christmas parties, chikfila free coffee, rainy days, library study sessions, dunkin donuts runs/hw dates, birthday surprise dinners, railroad track adventures, unit dance parties, unit pool days,gazebo picnics, class outings, drama club skits, drama club serving, beach days, mall scavenger hunts, brushing of curly hair, convocation, safety harbor festivals, city light views, early morning sunrises, starbucks runs, robert's christmas world fun, harvest festivals, goodbye parties, oxford exchange trips, checkers late night runs, pumpkin photo shoots, and many many many more. I could spend the whole night writing a novel of my times and adventures but I've documented a lot of them already through the months here on my blog. I know because I revisited those old posts earlier today being reminded of some of my unphotographed memories and adventures.

You've certainly been a grand adventure CCC,

and I have so much more to say,

but I don't know what else to say.

Goodbye. <3

My heart hurts

My college is closing and I feel homeless in a way. That school became a home to me. The people, the place, the teachers, the drama club, the Greek I was in. I had so many connections, so many people I love there and may never see again, and so many adventures and memories and I thought I had another year of that. I guess the truth is that time is short. We never know how much time we have to spend with someone or at some place. I didn't know this until today and I definitely didn't see it coming. But God is good. I know I'll find someplace else but I don't feel ready to say goodbye. I'm not ready for more change. I want to stay cradled in a place I have grown to live amongst people I love and people serving the God I love. But I know God is in control and He has different plans for me. I know I must trust Him. But my heart still hurts.

Oh, Mr. Cat T-shirted Christmas Sweater Wearing Music Junkie Indie Looking Mister Sir

 

 I remember you, and the girlish childish crush I had on you.

You showed off in roller skates and looked back at me and I felt blood running to my cheeks.

You tried to include me in games and I scored a touch down in football- you couldn't catch me.

You corrected my Beatles miss-written song lyrics in my status.

You complimented my jacket that one time.

I beamed from ear to ear.

I remember running into you at the music store and I was freaking out.

 

Then, I didn't see you.

I got over my crush.

And we didn't talk.

 

But then I saw you working in Publix a year or two ago.

No longer a fourteen/fifteen year old but an eighteen/nineteen year old.

Grown and different,

with my hair in a braid.

And we talked a little.

But I didn't think much of it.

 

But today, I'm wondering about you.

 

It seems like you are still a music junkie.

You still got that boyish face and big grin.

You seem like a little Indie kid, but not a kid, an adult.

It's funny because I don't know you anymore.

But you don't seem to have strayed far from who you once were.

At least you don't look like you have.

And me.

Well,

I don't know if I am who I thought I would be.

I think I'm more than I thought I would be.

And, not in a bragging sense.

It's just I guess I really had no idea where I'd be in life.

I didn't have much of an idea or direction.

And I didn't really give my talents credit.

I think I just floated as a mere teen concentrating on finishing school

and as the typical fourteen/fifteen year old I was, I concentrated on surviving crushes.

It was really a ridiculous crush.

I didn't even know you that well.
I still don't even know you that well.

But somebody remembered me crushing on you, and that made me remember you.

 

I hope you're doing well,

 just like I wish that for whoever I recall from my past.

 

I guess I feel endeared to people I once knew.

Even if things ended rocky, or they ended on good terms.

Every interaction helped built me.

And I hope you're doing well.

 

 

 

 

And what a flammable heart I've been given...

Remember what I said in my last post? Well I'm still measuring those rain drops. It basicalled rained a lot today. But that's okay- I enjoyed it once again. I enjoyed it while I gazed upon it from inside of starbucks drinking a cup of joe while catching up for 2 and a half hours with an old friend and mending broken fences and patching up old wounds from the days of our youth while explaining how our new adult lives have been and discussing our hopes and dreams of the future. I enjoyed it while I heard it tapping on the roof right before I fell asleep curled up in my blankets. I enjoyed it when I awoke and plugged in my colored lights around my bed and listened to my Spring Awakening mix made by a beautiful friend of mine. I've had a good day. And I'm thankful for my life. And I'm thankful for growth. I'm thankful that we can learn from our youth. I am thankful.

I'll measure my summer in water droplets

The ones coming off of my skin and into my towel as I emerge from the water of a pool surrounded by lights at night. The ones clinging on to my hair as I leave the party and run to the car as a thunderstorm falls upon me. The ones from the ocean waves that I'll visit numerous times and the many more afternoon or evening thunderstorms (short or long) that visit me. Water is something that Summer is full of in many shapes and forms over the Summer in FL. Including in sweat droplets.