You Are A Sandstorm

i close my hands
around your sand
because you are sand storm
and the sand is in my hands
in my eyes
and i tried to walk for the longest time;
blind.
but all i taste are tiny particles
like fragmented sentences
scraping against my tongue;
i'm done.
the sun burns my skin
and you give off light
but it's too bright
and i'm exhausted from
within.
i can't live in a sand storm
where i am warm,
but too warm.
i can't handle it;
i can't handle
i can't
i,
you,
me,
we can't.
we...
you,
no.
No,
not me.
No,
not.
no

This Isn't Goodbye

But it sure feels like it.

The semester is ending and people are leaving.

They are coming back; I'm not.

I'm hanging on to every moment because moments are limited here.

I have three days.

Three days until I am graduated and I go home.

Go home to the unknown.

Go home and leave my friends that I've only known really for a semester but;

feel like I've known for years.

Breakfast At Night

It's studying for finals in the same room and taking breaks to talk about our semester and reminisce on our favorite memories. 

It's taking a break in the middle of the day to go to Starbucks because we need refueling.

It's eating breakfast food at 9:00 pm.

It's making memories and ignoring the feels and living life and soaking up the time together.

It's life.

And life moves quickly.

And life moves slowly.

It's life.

Graduation

I'm starting to feel sad.
I'm excited about graduating and I'm excited about the future too.
But I'm feeling sad.
I'm finally starting to get the whole emotional breakdown thing.
Today, I started crying at the Gilmore Girls finale.
I've already seen it before and I don't cry.
I just don't cry at movies or t.v shows except occasionally I'll cry at the end of Lord of the Rings: Return of the King.
I am feeling sad though and wanting to be with people but not.
Like I want to be with my friends who I may never see again,
but I also feel the heaviness of my chest and the weight of all my emotions and I don't know how to handle them right now and I don't want to be with my friends while I feel like this.
I just feel sad.
Life is changing.
It's not a bad thing.
But it's starting to feel sad now.

Happy Days Are Ahead

One day you get the chance to write an article for the newspaper,

and one day you get to be in an article.

Speak Up and Out

So, two things happened this week that led me to the title of this post.

1. I went to Zaxbys the other day and as I was ordering, one of the workers came up and told me that I was really pretty and the cashier said "yes, you are!". Now, I'm not saying this because I'm letting it get to my head. Because, honestly, most days I don't think I'm pretty. That's not the point of this though. I'll come back to this.

2. Last night I was asked to speak at our last college young adult group. All the Seniors (which were 5 in total) were asked to speak and just share about what God was doing in our life/here at college, etc. I don't like speaking. I'm a writer. I write. I don't speak.

But, 

(And here's where I am tying the two together) 

sometimes we need to speak up and speak out.

I spoke at Inroads (our college group), in front of some people whom I've never met and shared what God was doing in my life because I knew that maybe somebody needed to hear it. That's why we speak. That's why we speak up. Not necessarily because we need to, but because someone else needs to hear it. It's not really about us. I was nervous, yes, but I got through it. Now back to my first story. I'm not about to say that we should go around giving compliments left and right to people, because we don't necessarily need to do that. But I am going to say that a little kindness goes a long way. I was feeling kinda low in self-esteem that day and I know people aren't wear we should put our self-worth in, but it was just nice hearing that. It was encouraging. And I think we need more encourage-rs in this world. Even if they're strangers, there's no reason not to speak up and out.

Whatever the situation is, we need to be brave enough to speak about what matters.

To speak about what counts.

Because one day we won't have that opportunity to do so anymore.

The taste of birthday candles I never got to blow out...

Some days are good days,

and some days are bad days.

This past day was my birthday

and 

it

wasn't

bad.

But bad things did happen.

And I feel sorta sad.

Does it make anyone else a little bit more sad when something bad happens on your birthday?

Like all these people are telling you to be happy because it's your birthday.

Well, just because it's my birthday it doesn't mean bad things don't happen.

You're ok to be sad.

And its the mixture of wanting attention to know you are cared about

but not wanting attention because you aren't your happy self and you know people can read it

and you can't explain it.

I dunno.

It hasn't been completely awful.

It hasn't.

Some people have done nice things for me.

And even if people don't do things for you though you did things for their birthday,

that's not the reason you did something for their birthday.

So, I shouldn't focus on stuff like that.

Some people did nice things for me and said nice things to me.

So, I'm shrugging this birthday off and it's a brand new day.

And who cares about who cares about me?

All that matters is we still need to keep on caring about one another.

No matter what.

Bittersweet Days

I'm graduating soon and I'm going to miss these times of laughter.

I'm going to miss game nights, mattress surfing, movie nights, beach trips, book trips, short runs, walmart adventures, coffee trips, school activities like paint wars, lunch time conversations, bread rolls and ice cream.

I'm going to miss school opportunities like shadowing a news reporter and having an article being featured on me and my friend and being a Senior or being a media intern with my friends and writing articles at SUN'nFUN and getting published for the first time and taking pictures and learning about people's lives and creating inside jokes and memories.

I'm going to miss intermural soccer where we lost every single game but always had fun and drama club where we had our first improv show and we did scene work where I was Glinda the good witch from Wicked and going to our college bible study every wednesday night praising and worshiping Jesus together.

I'm going to miss it all and maybe that's why I haven't been posting so much.

Because I've been busy learning and growing and laughing and not wanting to miss my life here.

But it'll be over soon.

Sadly, but surely.

And so I will have more to write about my new chapter in life.

But I am going to miss this.

I know I am.

I'm going to miss this new school that I didn't think I would miss.

I'm already feeling the feels.

This girl has officially been published!

So, this is my exciting news! This past week I got the awesome opportunity of being an intern and writing an article at SUN'nFUN in Lakeland and it just so happens that it got published in their newspaper. :) This is a first time thing for me so I am beyond blessed and excited. It might not seem like much to everyone but it was a big deal for me. So that's that!

I just wanted to wait until I had the copy before I actually posted about it.

But I have it now, and I am excited.

:)

Exciting things, friends, exciting things...

So, hey, hi guys. :)
This past week has been amazing.
And I want to tell you more,
I want to expound,
And I will.
I promise.
Pinky Promise.
Buuuuut,
today isn't that day.
Tomorrow, you will understand why.
But I want to wait.
Because I have some exciting news.
But I've got to wait until tomorrow to share it.
Hopefully,
you'll understand.
But in the meantime...

I'll leave you with this quote:

"A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there."
-- Unknown

I'll leave you with that because I want you to know that I think sometimes we don't do things we actually are capable of doing because we're scared of doing it. Or we give up after one no because we think that means we are failures. You're not a failure. And what you're afraid of doing might not be as scary as you think it is once you actually do it. And it just might go so much better than you planned and lead you to doing things you never thought you'd be able to do or accomplish. And sometimes you need to fail in order to push you to try and try again until you get better. So, step out of your comfort zone. Step out and fly.

Breathe In, Breathe Out

So, tomorrow I am going to get a chance to act like a professional and write an article about a festival and possibly get it published. I'm more than nervous. But I'm putting on a brave face and hopefully tomorrow, as we head out early in the morning, everything will go okay and I won't mess up badly or get lost. At least, one can hope. Prayers will be appreciated for this huge opportunity. I will keep ya'all updated.

"And we'll always be friends forever. Won't we? "

Well, I know time has a way of changing things.

And I know that forever is a long time.

But, today, a group of my friends from college and I ventured out at 9:30 am to head out to Vero Beach. 

It was a long road trip but we had smiles on our faces and good music to jam out to and the long car ride was perfect for long, in depth talks. 

When we made it to this new place that I had never been to before, we ran into a Farmer's Market.

So we looked a bit before heading out the beach.

Then we braved the waves and played in them.

I was turned into a mermaid.

We took pictures and laid in the sun and played in the sand and we were young and we were free.

After that, we stopped and filled out hungry stomachs with some taco bell.

Then we hit Books A Million.

A wonderful place it is that I had never been to before.

It was full of books like the name suggests.

But it also had a ton of cute things like pride and prejudice t-shirts, an alice in wonderland disappearing cheshire cat smile mug, and once upon time themed earrings.

I even got a $5 peter pan tote bag. It was $20 but it got marked down to $5.

I also got myself a wonderful cup of java (hazelnut latte actually) from Joe Muggs.

I highly recommend that too.

And it was all a great adventure. 

We all were laughing, talking, having a great time.

Pointing out things we knew the other person would love.

It was fun.

We got back around 6 pm wondering where the time had gone.

Because that's how fast it flew by.

Time flies guys.

And one could sit here and debate the question that young Todd asked in "The Fox and the Hound" and ask if we will always be friends forever or one could soak in these memories and hide them away in their brains and be happy that we are friends now and not worry about the future.

The future will take care of itself.

I'm living on limited time until my next chapter in life comes anyways.

So, I'm going to enjoy this.

My adventures, my friends, my last chapter of college.

I'm going to enjoy it.