2015/2016

The start of 2015 seemed really promising.

The first day of the New Year.

I think we all have high expectations or wishes.

But really, it started out nice.

School was going good,

but twenty-first birthday went well.

But then, 

two major changes happened.

Boom.

Out of the blue,

I was off guard.

Unprepared.

I didn't have my armor up.

I could not and did not see it coming.

Life-changing changes.

Four months of 2015 were really good,

But eight really weren't.

There were good moments.

I have a lot of good memories to keep.

And you know,

maybe I had even better lessons to learn.

I did a lot of growing and I know I needed it.

At this rate, I know I still have life growing events coming up.

So, what do I say to this New Year?

I can't say I am ready because I am positive I'm not ready.

But I also know it's coming whether I want it to or not.

Whether I'm ready or not.

So, even though I am not ready,

I want to rely on God's strength to get me through this new year just like He got me through 2015.

I want to put on the armor of God and be ready to face spiritual battles thrown my way.

I want to go into it in prayer and leave it in prayer.

I want to be ready for things I don't feel ready for.

I want to fight,

and I want to get through it,

and I want to grow,

but I also really would like a few less curve balls this year.

I would like gentler waves.

But you know what?

Sometimes in life, you just don't get that.

So, I would like that whatever God's will is, that it be done.

And I would like my heart to want that even though I know it might not be easy.

2016.

I am Lord willing graduating this Spring.

It will be my last college semester as far as I can tell.

And right now, I have no earthly idea of what I am doing after.

I know the unknown will be coming to greet me soon.

And it's scary and I wish I knew.

But I don't.

And maybe for good reason.

So, I want to trust in You Lord.

And I want to rely on.

And I pray for guidance so I may know how I can serve You and live out what You have in store for me after graduation.

Well, and throughout life.

But I'll take it one step at a time.

2016.

What a number.

Snow

Picture waking up to a world of white, which is totally bizarre when you're a Floridian, going on a vintage train ride going through this world of white with folksy music playing while sitting facing the windows giving us views of frosty ice rivers, fields of snow, snow flecked pine trees, and a cup of hot cocoa in hand. Then take a break from the snow and eat lunch in a cute 50's themed restaurant. Then walk downtown and visit cute well lit shops while the snow falls down a bit harder but not in an unpleasant way. Visit vintage shops and general stores, see cute trinkets, everything moose and bear themed because they are quite popular in New Hampshire. Buy some a Moose sweatshirt and maple tea to try later at home. Look at everything Christmas themed and then go into a cute but hipster coffee shop called Mets. Get a Maple Latte but admire all the holiday themed drink items such as "Fa-la-lattes" and "Gingy Latte" and etc. Admire how artsy it is. Then go back and continue to admire the falling snow. Throw some snowballs at your family members. Have a huge snowball fight until your hands are frozen and icy. Then, when your ears are numb and nose red and insides chilled, drive back to your little getaway. Put on the gas lit fire, take a warm shower, and watch one of your favorite movies ("It's a Wonderful Life") before getting all warm and cozy in your bed and getting some shut eye. That was my yesterday. I want to tell you about today too, and I will. But right now, I'm going to go because I want to do more things to sum up this perfect day. But I will get back to you.

What you can learn in an airport at 5 am while waiting for a changed flight...

Laughter is sometimes the best when shared early in the morning.
I'm not a morning person but I'm quite wide awake.
Coffee suits my soul well.
Chocolate muffins are the best.
Despite the things I don't like about airports; they are still fascinating to me.
Watching people all over the world wait to go back home or go on a trip or go a family vacation.
And when you board the plane, you're together for a brief hour or two sharing a moment with strangers you most likely won't see again.

I don't want to get up this early every morning.
But I think early mornings before the sun is up are occasionally nice.
Someday, I'm going to drag my husband out of bed at 3 am and I'll brew some coffee and it will be cold out and we'll grab blankets, look at the stars, and pour out our souls and create memories in that moment.

Winter's Quarrel

winter breathed upon the ground/
told the leaves to scatter and soon they were nowhere to be found/
Snow White left its mark on every rooftop and tree/
winter's cold chilled the spines of human beings/

It menaced at fall until orange was no more/
it fought until fall was frozen to the core/
It ruled the land leaving terror every where/
eating away at the trees leaving them bare

But then spring pushed its way in/
With a breeze, a blade of grass and a flower/
So came at last, winter's last hour/
And so it happens, so it goes,
The seasons rotate and rule,
With each trademark, each comment, each duel.

Winter

Winter I'm ready for you;

New Hampshire let's go.

Merry Christmas

Dear Un-named,
I hope you're having a good Christmas too.
 It breaks my heart that you're not here with us.
It's been a good Christmas.
And I am thankful for so much.
But I do hope and pray that next year's will be even better.
I love you dearly.
And I pray that you will love Him dearly.

And readers,
I hope you have a Merry Christmas.
And I hope that you will take the time to appreciate and thank the reason we have to celebrate Christmas.
We're not celebrating a fictional character with a red suit, round tummy and white beard.
We're celebrating the birth of hope, the birth of our Savior, the birth of Jesus Christ.
Merry Christmas to all.

I just want to let you know that I miss you

On last Christmas Eve Eve, I visited my old lady neighbor and adoptive grandma and friend in the hospital. We gave her our presents in a hospital that needed a little cheer. It was the last time I saw her before she died. She was old and it was her time but it's still weird to me. I never really had an active grandparent in my life for most of my life. But she was a lady I visited often and brought meals to. She gave us gifts sometimes and made us cards for our birthdays. Some days I'd come inside and chat with her. She got to know my dog and called him a princess often forgetting he was a boy and not a girl. She always cared for us. My sisters and I. I was away at college when I heard she had passed away. It was sad but being away at college, it didn't fully register. I wasn't passing her house everyday or bringing her meals. But it's been a year since I saw her, and being home on my Christmas break, I think about her often as I pass her house that has now been bought by someone else and has a golden car in the driveway that seems like it doesn't belong. I guess today I just really realized how I miss her. She was like a Grandma to me and even though you always know that one day elderly people will die, but I still felt like she wouldn't. I still think it's weird that she'll never get to meet (if I do get one) my future husband or be alive when I have graduated college. She was there through a lot of my highschool years. Oh, time. Oh, memories. You bittersweet thing you.

{listen to bittersweet symphony by the aranbee pop symphony orchestra| I know it's not Christmas music but still}

The Christmas Card

Lemon Bars, Hot Cocoa, Einstein Bagels, Christmas Errands, Creepy Christmas House, Christmas Mad Libs, Elf, french braids, red nail polish, and a christmas card from a friend.

It's almooooosttttt hereeeee guyyyyyssssss!

White Christmas

Cookie baking, friends, Christmas songs on the piano, Christmas light looking in the park, candy canes, and family time.

Guys, it's almost Christmas.
And I'm dreaming of a white one.
Orrrrr at least a semi-cold one.
Please.
Just have it be lower than the estimated 80 degree Christmas.
Pretty please.

The Free Starbucks Drink

I don't know what it was,

but today was a good day.

The church sermon today focused on "The Word became flesh" (John 1:14)

and how Jesus not only humbled himself coming into the earth as a baby boy,

but also how He left His perfect home and Kingdom 

to this broken, broken, sad world just for us.

It was a good eye opener and reminder.

Then I went to starbucks and this guy with a scruffy beard and wide brown eyes gave me a free venti starbucks drink because apparently a lady at the drive through changed her mind and didn't want it.

There were other people in starbucks but he asked me first,

and it was kind of him.

Acts of kindness are things I want to do more often.

I want to look more like Jesus.

Then after lunch and a nap,

my little sister and I had a movie afternoon and watched the Santa Clause 2 in my room.

I put on three different christmas lights,

I lit four different candles,

and we cuddled up and enjoyed a christmas movie together.

After dinner my family and I made some hot cocoa and went on an adventure to see this decked out house and came back and watched "How the Grinch Stole Christmas".

I'm going to be honest, there have been a lot of ups and downs this Christmas season.

Some tradition things we haven't been able to do.

And some newer christmasy things I have been able to do.

But with three days until Christmas Eve,

I'm starting to fill up with Christmas cheer.

Especially when I think of what Jesus has done for me and did for me.

And the whole world.

My mighty savior, my prince of peace,

Glory to Him in the Highest.

I'm also excited because after Christmas I am going to New Hampshire for a bit.

And I might get the chance to do this;

Here's to hoping that it snows and I can go on a sleigh ride!

Merry Christmas, guys.

Want to tell me some of your Christmas traditions/memories?

Yes, Today, Just Yes

New park adventures,

cooler weather, 

boardwalks,

tree climbing,

downtown charm,

christmas lights,

quaint shops,

fancy restaurant with a christmas tree inside,

chocolate and peppermint latte,

cold night walks,

dutch christmas cookie making while listening to christmas music,

eggnog,

christmas gift exchanging,

watching;

winnie the pooh and christmas too,

a house christmas episode,

a sabrina the teenage witch christmas episode,

and an arthur hour long christmas special

all by the christmas tree filling up my nostrils with a beautiful pine scent.

This day was cheery, merry, and bright.

And everything was right.

The whole day and evening was christmas filled and spent with my best friend.

Today was full of warmth,

I can describe the events, but not the memories.

Not how it felt,

or how it shone in my eyes.

Or how close I hugged it to me.

Or how the talks about our everyday life and past memories just meant a lot more than you can put in words sometimes.

I get the line; "hearts all aglow" now. 

I always thought what a funny line that was.

But now I get it.

Because my heart was all aglow.

Today was just good.

Yes,Today, Just Yes.

Guys, it's almost Christmas and I feel it.

One Week until Christmas

This is a Christmas photo of Mr. F. Scott Fitzgerald and his family.

I don't know why but I saw this photo from a literature book once and fell in love with it.

It's different, it's old, and I like it.

F.Scott is one of my favorite authors.

The way he writes, the way he words things, and his meaningful quotes just make me love him.

But you know what?

I learned some things about him and about how absent he was from his friends and family.

I don't find that very admirable.

I think sometimes he lived in a fantasy world rather than in his own world.

It's okay to have dreams and lessons and words to write and stories to tell,

but life is the one story you really have.

It's important that you truly live it and live it with the people you love.

It's important to draw them close and near to you and cherish it.

I can't help but wonder if he really cherished this moment in that picture.

Were they whole at that time?

Was he around and there for his family?

Or was it just a picture.

A picture taken to show the world that sure, they were a happy family.

I hope that's not the case.

Because I love that picture and I'd like to believe that it was a good day for them.

That they were having fun as a family and decided to take a weird family picture in front of the christmas tree.

I hope that day was full of laughter for them even though they decided to be serious in the photo.

I'd like to believe the best for them.

But enough about that.

There's a week until Christmas.

How're you going to spend that week?

Stressing about last minute shopping?

Getting fed up with the world's craziness and grumpy customers?

Or, are you going to keep your loved ones close and make moments to cherish with them.

If you can do the latter, please do the latter.

Be more than a fake happy picture on a Christmas card.

I know a family is made of more than one person.

So maybe you can't do that.

But if you are that person who is distracted,

that person who isn't living their life but lost in another's life,

don't.

Don't forget to live.

"I hope you live a life you're proud of"

-- F.Scott Fitzgerald

"Sometimes you have to bleed to know that you're alive and have a soul"

-- Twenty-One Pilots

I think I know I'm alive though now.

I'm ready for the bleeding to stop.

Lord, if it's your will, please heal what has been broken.

Make us whole.

I lit a candle for you

But you closed your eyes when you thought the rain was actually dew.
Now, I don't know what to do.
But I know I lit a candle for you.
You will never light a candle for me,
But I lit a candle for you.



{take what you get from this and leave what you think here}

Be more

I can write about you in classic literature in my mind,
But the truth is that you're modern literature and it's not as beautiful no matter how hard I pretend it to be.

People don't try anymore, they don't fight, they just are.
They just exist.
And I can hear them fading into the dust and settling.

I've never been much of a settler.
I want passion and I want it to be written across your eyes.
Show me something.

Be something.

Be more than modern literature.
You can be classic.
Men can be gentlemen.
They can be leaders.
They can be more.

Be more.

Joy

My room is lit for Christmas,
I have new candles to light as well,
I have a book I am reading that is giving an in depth look to Mary's character and role from the Bible,
And I just think this upcoming week will be good.

I'm ready for some Christmas spirit.

The Lord has promised us joy if we choose it.
I think as a kid I used to really get caught up in the materialistic kind of joy.
But now I realize that never was joy.
That was temporary happiness that the world gives.
Joy is everlasting.

I'm not saying getting gifts are bad or anything.
I'm just saying it's nothing in comparison to true joy which is a gift from God.
Something to be celebrated each year.
And I know we can celebrate it anytime we want to,
But Christmas time really highlights the gift of joy because it comes from the gift of Jesus Christ bringing hope and peace and joy when He came down to the earth in human form to save us from our consuming and condemning sins.

We find life through Christ.
In that, I find joy.
And I want to focus on that during Christmas.
I only wish my younger self had focused on that more too.

Goodbyes and Hellos and New Adventures and Mixed Emotions

This year has been a lot of playing catch up for me.
I've constantly felt like I have been catching up with what life has been giving to me.
From new friends, to new schools, from bad changes to good changes, to hardships, to laughter, to going out of the country on my first mission trip, to tears.
There's been so much.
So much heartache.
So much beauty.
So much.
I can't even process it.
I know it's not New Years yet so maybe I shouldn't be doing this.
But I can't help but think about this as the semester ends.
As my best friend that I only became best friends with this year, leaves to go back to MA.
As two friends I made this semester leave the new school I've been getting to know this semester.
Life has just been so crazy for me.
I don't even know what to do with this.
Except praise God.
Praise God through the good times.
And in the bad times, praise Him still.

Sometimes I feel really weighed down.
But I'm just thankful for God and the freedom He gives.
I just know I don't always take advantage of this freedom.
A lot of times I remain chained to these feelings and chained to the heartache.

But I don't have to be,
And I don't want to be.
I want to be free.
That's why I need to keep rooted in Him.

That's what I need to do with life.

Sophie is a free elf

Finalsssss areeeee doneeeeee!
I'm free.
And I'm coming home for a month.
Hullllllo Christmas break,
I love you dearly.

“I am [in your world].’ said Aslan. ‘But there I have another name. You must learn to know me by that name. This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia, that by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there.” 

― C.S. Lewis, The Chronicles of Narnia

Jesus, you're all that matters.

And street lights glisten

Peppermint Mocha Coffee, colder weather, christmas light looking and a beautiful walk, Austenland.

Today had good moments.

Also,

I want a Mr.Darcy.

Dot dot dot

I was hugged by a stranger today.
I've never been hugged by a stranger before.

Christmas, I love you

Today was full of Christmas spirit. From my ugly Rudolph sweater, to a
Christmas photo booth, to hot chocolate, cooler weather and a double Christmas movie watching feature. I love Christmas. Also, my last day of classes happened today. Now I just need to get through Finals week.

Invisible man

Invisible Man, 

on the road,

gone with the wind,

in search of lost time.

The stranger for whom the bell tolls the sun also rises.

As I lay dying, things fall apart.

The heart is a lonely hunter;

An american tragedy,

white noise.

The remains of the day under the volcano;

the unbearable lightness of being,

tender is the night.

Sophie's Choice; take it or leave it.

---

---

I've had so many good memories these past two days.

Polaroids,
Christmas Parties,
Sparkling Cider,
Christmas Cookies,
Pizza
Laughter,
Joy,
Bonfires,
Worship,
New Friends,
Starbucks.

It's been good.
Real good.

The above poetry was inspired by an idea I saw from someone else.

It's all put together and made by book titles.
There's not a phrase there that wasn't taken from a book title.
I don't know if you caught on to that or not.
It was a lot of fun and you should try it sometime.

I don't know what to say guys.
December has started off well.