one breath at a time

im caught in one of those time  moments again...
there's so much to do and so my days seem so long
but they're going by so fast
like november no you're not allowed to be visiting this weekend
october wait for me

You make beautiful things

And I will keep that in my head and save it for another rainy day...

But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart. (1 Samuel 16:7)

How completely terrifying and how completely beautiful.

My heart is terrifying to look at.

But I am so thankful He does not look upon outwardly.

He knows where our real merit lies.

And that's scary at times.

Because I know my heart does not always hold what I want it to hold.

But how reassuring that is.

That our beauty does not lie in our imperfect blemishes and crooked teeth.

If only we could do the same.

View hearts and not faces.

Homesick

As I drink my cup of tea and study for a test tomorrow,
I just feel really homesick.
Today was my church's annual hallelujah festival.

It always consists of hayrides, candy, and volleyball.

And I was here in the middle of nowhere (a.k.a lake wales).
Doing basically nothing.
And I miss home.

I miss church, I miss my dog, I miss my family, I miss my friends, I miss home cooked meals that are sufficient and fulfilling (besides just good) instead of questionable meat and a few french fries, and I miss my bed and my own room and being close to a dunkin donuts and just my life there. I really miss it. I thought the weekend would be nice to relax. And it was. But it was also very lonely. I like tv shows, but even the tv shows I like I'd rather watch with my family and friends than by myself all day. And I'd rather do my homework after being busy doing fun things with my family.

This may seem like a rant post, and I suppose it is.

I don't hate it here. But I hate feeling lonely and homesick. And I feel that right now.

And I suppose it's a bit selfish in a way. I'm lucky to get see them on certain weekends and I can go one weekend without a lot of human interaction and comforts of family and friends and home.

I can.

But this also makes me realize how lucky I am and how much I miss it.

Coup de Foudre

It all happened in the Walmart checkout line.
He was right in front of me and my friend.
Checking out bread.
Nice dressed.
Blue eyed.
Asking the check out lady to help him swipe his card in his adorable French accent.
Saying thank you like a polite gentleman.
And then we walk out after checking out our things.
And Lo, and behold,
He is parked next to us unloading his groceries.
Yes, it was Coup de Foudre.
Love at first sight.

Just kidding. But he was cute. And French.

I can taste the weekend

Come closer, a little closer, please.
But all in all, it hasn't been toooo bad this week.
I just want a couple of days with no school.
That's all.

Yesterday, however, I spent sometime helping out with a production of Charlie Brown Christmas put on by little kids at a church. They are so cute, and it makes it enjoyable to help out with them. When I was younger I wanted to be a preschool teacher. And while that isn't necessarily what I want to do now, I think God has placed on my heart ever since I was young, a soft little spot for children. After that, I had a good time at bible study with my friends. It was pleasant.

Today, my first class got cancelled and so I got to sleep in and then take a trip with a couple of my friends and get some dunkin donuts. I did some homework, had some classes, and took a nap and jammed to twenty-one pilots and a bonfire and smores night awaited me as well as the first drama club meeting of the year.  'Smoes and drama in one night. It was a blast. My hair smells like fire and my cheeks felt like they were sunburnt and my stomach was full of laughter. It was great.

And it's nice knowing tomorrow is Friday.
It's a comfort.
I like Fridays.

I can taste the weekend.

I like pumpkins and octobers

{Photo credit to muah}

In the corner of the library with an F.Scott Fitzgerald book

That may be where you'll find me.
Or by the Gazebo by the lake with a woman's bible study book.
Little nooks with my books.

Blustery Day

A blustery day

Radical Face

Cold Bedrooms with a Spot of Tea

Windy Walks

Pavilion Reading Alone Time

Cozy Hangouts

Learning to Dutch Braid

Getting my hair Katniss hair braided

Hot Apple Cider

Donut Eating Contest (In which I won)

Cookie Decorating

Friends

Getting my nails painted like Fall leaves

It's been a good day.

I'm glad it was a mixture of friend time and me time.

Because going out to the pavilion looking out at the lake and reading,

it can be very relaxing and even if I don't always enjoy what goes on at school;

I can always enjoy those precious moments by myself where I got away from distractions and was just me.

And One Day... Maybe I'll be wearing a white dress

and you'll be holding my hand and looking at me like there was love stuck in the corner of your eyes/
maybe we will dance to a love song with a sea of people watching us and under twinkling lights/
and maybe we'll shake things up a bit and I'll make you scream and dance to Shut Up and Dance with me because I won't have to do crazy things alone anymore/
and I'd even let you wear converse if I could go barefoot/
but most importantly we'd say our vows knowing we were meant to be and the wedding was God ordained and that we would have someone to walk through life with and to grow old with and to love and honor God with/

Friday Night Football is King

Yesterday was a brisk night.
There was Fall in the air.
I spent the evening walking around a neighborhood and handed out flyers with friends for a church program we were putting on in the park today.
I also saw a tree that actually was changing colors.
Then my family and I went to a football game and after that we got some pie.
Because what goes better with football games than pie?
I can't think of anything.
It was fresh and brisk and everything was Fall.
And today is Fall.
Playing with kids and eating pizza and later tonight a friend's wedding.

October Night

Last night was such an October night.
Maple Brown Sugar coffee,
Pumpkin Carving Contest,
Cheshire Cat Pumpkin,
Winning the Contest with my friend,
Night walks,
Cheshire Cat smile moon,
Midnight Madness,
Glow Sticks,
Dancing,
Gilmore Girls.

It was breezy, nice night and it was Octobery.
And today, I get to go home.
I'm happy.

But darling you're a flamethrower

Sometimes you catch the fire, but sometimes the fire catches you.
But that's what flamethrowers do.
I am made of flammable material.
If I face the fire, I might not make it through.

Darling, you're a flamethrower.
They say playing with matches a girl can get burned.
And this is a lesson I have already learned.
So keep your perfect smile tucked away from me and save your hellos for someone who can catch the flame,
But I don't take kindly to shifted blame.

Darling you're a flamethrower,
And the spark is over.
The spark is over.

{written about no one in particular}

Remember what I said about Autumny Days?

Well yesterday was one of them.

It started off rushed but mellowed out.

I learned and took some perspective shots in audio and video and that kinda boosted my mood because film is something I'm interested in. Using software and technology and editing is something I'm less interested in. So days when I get to practice perspective shots and other neat things like that, it's pretty great.

After that, I took my one simple homework quiz and that was it as far as homework goes.

So I opened up the blinds, curled up in my blanket and watched an autumny quirky movie called "Restless".

I've watched it before and it's a movie I quite enjoyed but I think it's an acquired taste for sure.

It's slightly twisted but endearing but really it's a movie that has an interesting concept for me and that's why I like it. It also takes place in Oregon around September and October so there's a lot of Autumn scenery which puts me in a good mood.

Basically, it's about this kid named Enoch who's parents both died in a car accident. 

So, he struggles with death and letting go. 

He crashes other people's funerals, trying to make sense of it because he can't.

At one he meets this girl and they get to talking.

She says she volunteers at the cancer ward but the truth is she actually has cancer.

When she finds out she is going to die in three months, she tells Enoch the truth.

He accepts it and he tries to do whatever he can to help her do everything she wants to before she dies.

He struggles with the fact that she is going to die, but in the end throughout their three months together,

she teaches him in the process how to live and how to let go.

So when she dies, even though it's horrible, it actually helps him come to terms with death and come to terms with life.

It's interesting to me.

But so anyways, I watched it while sipping a pumpkin spice latte and then I helped my friend Dottie bring in pumpkins to Student Life because tomorrow they are holding a pumpkin carving contest. 

Let me tell you, pumpkin lifting is basically like weight training. My arms are sore.

Then after that, we were early for an outside event they were holding at school. 

Free chikfila, bubble soccer, and an outside concert.

So, we helped set up the event and because we did, we got free a chikfila sandwich coupon , chickfila fries coupon, and a chickfila ice cream coupon.

Then I did a little Walmart shopping with friends and ended the night watching Insurgent with Dottie and friends as well.

It was just full of things and full of joy. I enjoyed it.

And today isn't half bad either as I'm listening to a happy hipster playlist and looking forward to a date with a book and reading in an outside pavilion by a lake alone and peaceful.

Slow Your Breath Down

When you're feeling homesick (for actual home, or eternal home), let me tell you this song; "Slow your Breath Down" by Future of Forestry quite helps you out. Some days I just feel so ready to leave humanity behind. But I need to love humanity and show Christ to humanity first. And it can be real tiring looking at a broken world that won't be fixed and broken people who may not choose the way of life. But you may make a difference. And I know that's why I am here. I just get tired and I need Christ's strength. Dealing with the world is tiring folks. But this song helped and prayer helps and bible studies help.

Get Cozy and Autumny

Yes, Autumny is a word...

Okay, so maybe it isn't.

Just go with it.

Turn the temp. down if you're like me and live in non-cool Florida,

get yourself a cup of cozy tea or apple cider,

grab your favorite cuddly blanket,

oh and fuzzy socks,

and listen to songs that make you think of autumns past or autumns future

OR

watch movies with your favorite autumn tree color changing, breezy scenes in it.

Your choice.

But guys, it's October.

Octobers only occur one month out of the year so make the best of it.

Even if it's overrated, make a pumpkiny goodness baked creation.

Just do it.

And enjoy it.

Get Autumny.

Wear a cardigan.

Take a walk.

Have a smile on your face and highfive a stranger.

And love deeply.

I'm so thankful for Fall breaks

I am thankful for friends that encourage.
I am thankful for ministries that help kids and their moms and dads to learn about Jesus my Savior.
I am thankful to show them the love of Christ and work with believers who's goal is the same.
I am thankful for created traditional holidays that include bobbing for apples and yummy pumpkin food and painting pumpkins.
I am thankful for a family trip to a sketch zoo with a camel, porcupines, alpacas, a wallaby, pigs,  and etc.
I am thankful for church cookouts and volleyball games.
I am thankful for my home church.
I am thankful for this lovely couple at my church who inspire me daily.

I am so thankful for this weekend, and I am thankful for my life and I want my attitude to remain thankful and loving this week even if it gets hard to. I want Christ to be centered in my mind and to be shown through my actions. He has blessed me so. And I want him to be glorified.

Oh, Taylor Swift

Say what you will about Taylor Swift (and hey I'll admit too that she's had perhaps too many boyfriends and written too many songs about them and has definitely veered from the innocent girl with curls that she once was) but her CDs have kind of measured my years of growing up and her CDs make me nostalgic.

I remember listening to "Teardrops on my Guitar" when I was in middle school and had a crush on a guy named Carl but I thought he liked someone else and I was a dramatic tween so our situation made me think of good old Taylor and Drew and that song. Those were the good old days.

I remember listening to "Fifteen" at my friend Natalie's birthday party day before other guests arrived and commenting on how in a couple months I would be turning fifteen and how weird and old I'd be. Ha. Old.

I remember listening to the Speak Now album on the way to our church's yearly October canoe trip and the air being crisp and feeling lighthearted and I also remember watching the Taylor Swift Thanksgiving Day Special about that album on Thanksgiving when our guests had left.

I guess I don't have too many memories associated with Red if I am being honest. I just remember listening to "All too well" and "Last Time" way too often because those were my favorites and All Too Well made me want a maple latte (which hey I have now tried since then and let me tell you; it's swell). Also, "Red" and "We are never getting back together" were way overplayed. Also, that cd made me more aware that Taylor was leaning more towards the pop genre.

And lastly, "1989" came out last year and my friend Lauren and I had talked about wanting to get it and my Mom ended up buying it for me. I brought it to school and I ashamedly danced out to "Welcome to New York" and some other catchy stuck in your head type songs that I didn't even really like that much. I like her old style better. But her new poppy songs were and are catchy and my unit at my now closed down college would sing them all the time.

So that's Taylor through the years, and some of my memories too.

Although, I'll admit, I miss curly haired lyric/meaning centered and innocent songs.
Just like I miss curly haired, innocent, little girl me at times too.


Oh darling don't you ever grow up.

Some people anxiously await Halloween but I have always awaited Oktoberfest

Each year during October, my Mommy holds a holiday that we've always experienced as a kid. It's always been full of yummy food, family and friend time and games and candy. I'm so glad to be celebrating it as I'm here on Fall breaks. Sometimes being away is nice. But when you're away at a place where morals aren't there and guys constantly hit on you and argue and disobey rules and some hate you for speaking what is right and true, and your days are so so long, you really start to realize what you had and you miss it a lot. I have a great family and a great home and I'm so thankful to be back with them.

Buckeyes, Sleepovers, and Proverbs

Last night I spent the night at my friend Brooke's  apartment. I made and time lapsed Buckeyes with my friend Mikayla and they were delish. Then after that and some goofing off and some tv watching, we went to bed. But Brooke and I didn't go to sleep for another hour. It was just a great time spent talking heart to heart and about God and things that matter. I appreciate that about our friendship we can laugh about stupid videos or have deep conversations. It was nice. Today, the weather really felt like Fall (or at least it did in the morning) and in one of my classes we studied and talked about Proverbs 1 and that was a breath of fresh air too. Tomorrow I get to go home for Fall break and I am beyond excited. Oh life.

"my super power is the uncanny ability to always have a half full cup of slightly warm coffee in my hand at any moment of the day"

-- Matthew Gray Gubler

"Golden are the days,

when the crisp air meet the sun rays,

the park swings greet children at play,

the leaves on the tree no longer stay.

Golden are the days,

of cardigans so snug,

holding on like a warm autumnal hug,

an October full of cider in a mug.

Golden are the days of you and me,

apple picking trees,

wind and breeze,

until the days of frost and freeze."

-- Me

Autumn makes me dream.

One day I'll go apple picking.

One day my future husband and I will go to the park and we'll throw a baseball back and forth.

One day the air will be real cold and the leaves will actually change color.

Even if I get just a little bit of Autumn here in FL,

I still love it.

Autumn is great.

\Oh, and so is Matthew Gray Gubler.

"You're my knight and glimmering armor"

"You mean shining Mama"

"No, I mean glimmering. You glimmer and you shine Gilbert."

--What's Eating Gilbert Grape

Besides school, my day consisted of watching this glorious deep beautiful wonderfully made film that also makes me think of Fall and going to a 50's themed diner which is as cute as can be.

Diners will always be magical and add 50's to the mix and it's pretty grand.

And I'm so happy this movie came out on Netflix.

A Breezy Latte Day

I felt the Fall breeze and I let it sweep me into a good mood.

I got to sip on some lattes and catch up with a friend and witness an awkward couple being awkward.

I got to gut a pumpkin and saw him get a new face.

I talked with my family about our upcoming Virginia Fall trip during Thanksgiving week.

And I enjoyed the light rain and long car ride back to school recounting the memories of last year.

Fall makes me nostalgic.

 I just love the holidays and each year there are new holiday memories.

The traditions remain the same but new things are always added and each stand out. 

We have different people celebrate the holiday season throughout the years too,

but it is still always enjoyable and special.

I remember it all and I'm thankful for them all. I think that's why I get excited about this time of year.

There is always something joyful and something good that happens during the holidays.

And honestly, there's always family time.

I think I will always have a childlike wonder and joy when it comes to the holiday season.

I'm so excited. I had tastes and glimpses of family time this weekend, and good times, and celebrations of Fall and I'm just so excited for everything else that is to come. School really brought me down this week, and I'll be honest, it kind of made me sad returning to school, but my little weekend break has made me ready to face the week. There is just nothing better than being surrounded by people who love you. And my weekend was full of that. From church to friends, to best friend from highschool, to El Salvadorian mission trip friends, to family. But really, all of them are family to me. And God has blessed me so much. I just can't wait until this upcoming weekend.

What a wonderful breezy, latte day.

Merry October.

October, just yes

Ministry work, pumpkin cookie baking, Everything Has Changed, pumpkin spice lattes, pumpkin patch adventures, sweater weather, pizza and lights, breezy walks, apple cider and "It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown". 

I've been real thankful for this weekend. It's been a huge blessing.

My God is so good.

There once was a pumpkin named Harvey...

Today was the color of a pumpkin machiatto, the scent of sweater weather and the feel of a comfy cardigan and the happiness found in adopting a pumpkin named Harvey (although some may prefer to call him Dan) and the sound of laughter that was caused by the game Catchphrase and church friends.

It's good that it's October and it's good to be home and it's good for lone pumpkins to find homes and be given faces when they have none.

Harvey will have a face tomorrow.

There's glorious autumness awaiting for tomorrow and ministry work to be done.

But for now let me tell you about Harvey.

Once upon a time there was a pumpkin named Harvey,.

He was an ordinary pumpkin that grew amongst other pumpkins in a pumpkin patch.

From that pumpkin patch he was hand picked by a person wearing an orange apron.

But he was okay because his friends; Leon, Timmy, and Jimmy were picked too.

Some other pumpkins were picked as well but he never had the chance to know them on a personal level.

Anyways, when he was put in a wooden crate with his friends, he couldn't help but feel excited and nervous.

This was a huge adventure for him.

He passed green pastures and white fluffy clouds and roads with cars of bright colors and the wind felt good on his orangey back.

He had no idea where he was going, but he was okay with that.

At last, he arrived his destination with the truck stopped at a huge orange building with white letters written across it.

Since he went to school when he was just a youngin' he was able to read the strange words even though he had no idea what it meant.

The words read; Home Depot.

He and his friends were taken from the crate and placed on a display where hay barrels laid and many pumpkins were placed next to and around him along with his friends Leon, Timmy, and Jimmy.

The days passed and human beings would come across and inspect him and look him over but nobody would take him for the longest time.

Leon,, Timmy and Jimmy all got adopted within a week.

But not Harvey.

He was there for two weeks and when he felt like all hope was lost,

a kind looking family picked him up with care and love in their hearts and a gal no more than the age of twenty-one picked him up and carried him across the store and through the parking lot to her car and into her kind and cozy home.

She knew his name was Harvey, she just had that feeling and so she called Harvey, Harvey.

She fed him dairy queen ice cream and she cared for him like he was her own.

The other family members kept calling him Dan but she did not heed to their nonsense but addressed him by his real name.

And although the other family members called him Dan, Harvey knew they had the best intentions for him and he loved them all.

Yes, he belonged.

He was family.

He had awaited this day for such a long time and he finally had a home.

The End.

HAPPY OCTOBER

IT'S OCTOBER SO MY THREE FAVORITE MONTHS ARE HERE SO YAY