The rains are coming in and the streets are glistening

Yesterday was definitely a Summer day and I liked it. It was Clearwater Florida's 100th birthday and so Clearwater had a celebration. It consisted of a parade, numerous beads, wacky floats, interesting people, summer heat, French fries, lots of waving and people interaction (which at times can be entertaining actually), live music, a captivating sunset among the waters and Palm trees, a brief cold shower of rain and a walk, eating cupcakes while sitting by the water's edge, and an amazing fireworks display with reflecting color on the water. The ride home was full of laughter and joy and we came home tired but happy and smiling. The night ended with Gilmore Girls, a show that has got me addicted and I will probably try to watch all seven seasons of in this Summer.

Self-salvation

"For you shall be like an oak whose leaf withers, a and like a garden without water.
And the strong shall become tinder, and his work a spark,
And both of them shall burn together,
With none to quench them."
-- Isaiah 1:30-31

We cannot save ourselves. We are not in control. We are not rulers over death and life. We are not miracle workers. We are not able to create human beings and beasts of the land and the sea. We are not strong enough to carry the weight of the world. We cannot nail sin to the cross. We are nothing.

Without Christ.

Self salvation equals self destruction. The people who choose to be oaks without God's water will burn with none to quench them.

Some Days...

Are sick days where you eat waffles and drink coffee and watch Gilmore girls and don't do a whole lot because that's really what sick days are for. And what's funny is the episode I happen to be watching features the main person being sick. I feel your pain Lorelai, I feel your pain.

Sometimes flowers can still grow in briar patches...

Yesterday was a good day. Besides church, it was eating nachos and playing board games. It was a hospitality night at church and eating Military food packages, which was a new experience for me. It may have not been the best meal I've ever had but it's what the people serving our country eat all the time and it made me appreciative. I know they are just happy to have hot meals even though it's a surprise and a meal heated by water in a package that starts off a chemical reaction to heat it up. It was interesting and kind of fun. Then my sisters and I ate pizza rolls and put on face masks and painted nails and it was fun. Today, we had a dessert picnic at the park, ate corn dogs and watermelon and watched a movie. It wasn't anything large but they were good moments and memories. They were flowers amongst the thorns in the briar patch.

For better or for worse

Sometimes things change and all I can do is sit there and watch.

If Today Were a Color

I think it'd be maroon.

And I think the sky would be yellow fog.

And I think my dog would be the proud owner of a baby penguin.

And I think the music playing in everybody's ears would be acoustic music.

And I think the trees would be coffee colored and the leaves would be gray and the nonexistent eyes on the tree bark would be a shade of light blue and my heart would pump blood the shade of stones and my hair would mimic the color of cookie dough.

 

And why I think this, you ask?

Who knows.

I certainly don't.

 

But let red lipstick leave it stains where your memory lies and remember that hellos can be just as sad as goodbyes.

 

And dreams crack in the places where walls crumble,

but you can learn a thing or two from the mess of broken rubble.

 

Remind where I was going with this?

Clear

"The thing is... life isn't always going to be as clear as these waters" says the heavy hearted girl.

"Well, of course not," he remarks with eyebrows furrowed and head cocked.

"But that's what's so great about it.

There's a great new chance tomorrow.

There's possibilities around the corner.

And when you can't rely on what's in front of you,

it's easier to rely on the one who knows every bit of your past, present and future."

For once, the young woman looked closely at the world surrounding her and stopped feeling intimidated by it.

Joy clothed her,

and Hope held her hand.

She glanced upwards as if looking up to Heaven and whispered;

" I am Yours. "

The young man smiled.

He knew she finally understood.

How Different Are Our Stories Anyways?

I don't know.

But sometimes things can seem one way and fairly simple and turn out to be something totally different and very complicated and I think that happens more often than I originally thought it did.

And I think unpredictable makes me rely on the one thing that is certain and steady in my life and that is God and His unfailing love.

So, waves of life come at me.

I will remain standing as long as I stand in the love of Christ.

My Heart Aches

There is so much one can do with a life,

and more often than naught,

people ruin them instead of use them.

 

All I know is as long as one is living, there is always hope for change.

 

So, I hope and pray for those who are throwing their lives away to realize what they're doing and pick it back up from the trashcan they carelessly threw it in and take it to the one who can make anew the things our human hands destroy.

 

"Going my own way makes me happy" says the one with misery staining the corners of her lips.

 

But the truth is evident to the ones who seek it.

 

So, I pray for you all, seek it.

"I will give to the Lord the thanks due to his righteousness,

and I will sing praise to the name of the Lord, the Most High."

--Psalm 7:17

A Pile of Clothes

Isn't startling how many memories a pile of clothes can hold?

 

Today I went threw my large pile of clothing picking up cardigans that I often wore with red lipstick and held while clutching coffee cups. Picking up plaid shirts I bravely wore in the heat of Florida October weather in order to make for good Fall pictures: holding pumpkins and crammed in a Hayride. Saying goodbye to the knit peach colored sweater my old lady neighbor and adopted Grandmother (who recently just passed away) knitted for me when I was twelve. I saw tank tops that I can fervently remember wearing after coming back from the beach and shorts with the American flag on it that I remember wearing when I was fifteen and I had used a temporary dye to make my hair reddish brown and I wore on the fourth of July where I watched the fireworks go off at a local park we sometimes go to. Pieces of myself are hidden in those clothes and memories are knit within the fabric. And I'm sitting there sorting my clothes into piles and Claire De Lune comes upon my spotify playlist and all the sudden a song I found so pretty and enchanting becomes haunting and sad. I feel choked up with emotions and tears are trapped in my eyes. I look in the mirror at myself and see the no make-up, hair in the bun self glancing into the past. It's like on tv when they have a person experience flashbacks and all the sudden all of the memories play before them in black and white and it's a montage of certain occasions. It's like that. I feel weighed down by the heaviness. But not held down. There are more memories to come. A visit to the past is okay. But it's not good to live there.

 

So, I'll keep moving on in shorts, jeans, sweaters, t-shirts, swimsuits and pajamas.

The Ocean doesn't call to You because you don't look good in Blue

There are a thousand things I could be,
a thousands of thoughts sheltered in my mind,

a thousand sparks and fireflies in my soul,

a thousand pathways and mazes in my heart,

decades of ages in the pupils of my eyes and in the wrinkles upon my forehead,

curves and parallel lines upon my lips and eyebrows,

foreign languages curled asleep in my mouth,
gentle paintstrokes on my fingertips,

knots of secret hopes in my tangled, curly mess of hair,

cello music in my ears all screaming a silent madness,

 the scent of burnt taffee in my nostrils,

blood and love becoming one in my veins,

strength in a boxing match with weakness in my muscles,

paper thin airplanes are flying, walls around me built and knocked down, my kites never coming off the ground, and I stand there in awe.

 

Because this is life.

 

Unperfected words upon unperfected paper filled with meaning and nonsense in a whirlpool found upon in the ocean that you won't go and visit because blue doesn't look good on you.

 

And that's okay.

 

Because you're found in the field of the daffodils and where the brilliant sun matches your golden hair and your golden heart and yellow suits you just fine because you've always coated your hotdog with mustard instead of ketchup.

 

And this is life.

Combination of Thoughts

I'm home now and it's Summertime and I feel like brownie batter being mixed.

 

I can't really explain it like I want to, but,

when brownie batter is being mixed,

there's a lot of feelings going on in there.

 

There's anticipation.

Brownie batter is good when mixed but before it is mixed,

there's just anticipation and a little bit of sadness because even after it's mixed you know you must bake it.

That's the purpose of brownie batter- to make brownies.

But after the brownie batter is mixed, it takes more waiting.

Granted, it's not all that long of a wait but it sure does feel long once you put it in the oven and anxiously await the transformation.

 

I like summer.

But I feel like I'm waiting for the transformation to take place.

 

I'm finished with school (the eggs and flour and brownie mix) and now I am being mixed.

I'm not quite the brownie yet.

 

This probably doesn't make sense and I had a point but I forgot it but I'm still going to keep writing.

I've said goodbyes to my friends and I'm sad leaving them even if something new and perhaps even better is coming up in the future. I'm excited for what summer holds too. I'm just mixed right now.

The feelings are mixed and I'm... I don't know. I've got a lot to think about.

 

But sometimes it's nice to know you have people missing you too.

It's nice to hear the words: "Goodbye friend" from a person you didn't even know considered you as a friend or to hear that you're loved and admired from a person you didn't even get a chance to talk to as much as you had wanted to.

 

I'm going to miss people a lot and some aren't coming back and some are.

But God holds my future and that comforts me.

More than you know.

 

""You would not have called to me unless I had been calling to you" said the Lion"

-- C.S Lewis

wave crests and troughs

This week has been a week.

 

It's definitely made me depend and trust God more and realize the importance of taking into consideration the heights of other people's problems and becoming more compassionate.

But I won't linger on this.
I will pray about this, but I won't talk about it anymore than I already have.

 

So, onwards to thankfulness.

 

Yesterday and today were good days. I'm thankful for them and the friends I've had to share them with. I got to spend it saying farewells and until thens to my friends. But I got to do that in the best sort of ways. I got to do that in a village inn pie trip and sharing of best/funniest semester moments and having an old lady tell us thank you for our laughter and how it gave her a trip down memory lane and the times she spent with her friends. I got to do it with late night balcony talks, movie watching and sleepovers. I got to do it with beach day fun, sunburned skimboarding volleyball waves of fun. Also, walks, and seashells, and salt water, and finals freedom, and summer air. It's nice to say goodbye by enjoying the hello of a new season. My room is empty and the unit is empty. My room I lived in for about 8 months out of 12 looks like a stranger to me now and a hotel room. Everything is packed and my roommate is gone. Change is coming. But I'll wait until tomorrow to focus on that. Today, I'm enjoying these closing memories of the last chapter of my Junior semester. And I'll do that drinking tea and reading Mere Christianity.

 

Pinkies up,

 and,

 chins up.

Tears for the Dead (The Ones Walking and the Ones Buried)

death acts like it's in control,

but even death itself will die

if the black dressed humans were informed,

would they still be asking why

?

 

well humans are still human,

so the answer may yet be yes...

but eventually truth will comfort them,

the pain will hurt less and less

 

only if they believe in the defeater of death;

the reigning ruler,

oh mortals, made of breaths

 

only if they trust, know, grasp, hold,

the hands of Hosanna,

builder of the bold

 

wipe your tears,

raise your head,

you only have to mourn,

the dead who are dead

I Just HaveTo Say

My God's love is endless and He protects and watches and hears our prayers.