Hey, so when I took my very long break from blogging in which you were not sure whether or not I'm coming back, I learned a few things. So, I will share what I learned but I have to say that I probably won't be returning. Towards the end of my blogging route, I mainly felt pressured to keep up the blog than actually enjoying blogging like I did originally when I first started out. I'll still keep my blog up because I did share a lot of writings, thoughts, that sometimes I need to look back over again and be reminded of or re-discover. However, here is my explanation of why I won't return and what I learned;
I spent a lot of my life insecure of myself and trying to find security in other people’s opinions of me, and how popular I was or wasn’t. But I’ve learned a lot about me this year, and I’ve grown to like me and feel secure about myself and I don’t think it was until then that others became secure in me because they really got to know me. I wasn’t a girl cautious of actions for fear of what people might think, I am a girl who is me and doesn’t have to think before being herself anymore or letting her guard down and I think people can notice that because when you’re cautious I think people aren’t sure why you aren’t yourself. Instead they question you, and question whether they can be their self around you. It doesn’t make you popular and it doesn’t feed you self confidence. That has to come from yourself. And now, I don’t care whether I’m popular or whether people like me. I don’t do things to get attention or to be well liked. When I write something, I write something for me. When I create something, I create something for me. And I don’t feel the need to post everything I write or create in hopes that people will accept me. Some things I create or write simply for myself. And I think that’s a great feeling, and a great feat to accomplish. I am in no means self-absorbed or so highly full of myself. I know I have flaws, faults, just like everyone else. But I have learned that there are some things you can’t change and shouldn’t have to change, but rather embrace. And that’s where the true beauty lies. So my point in this was that I think I did rely or seek acceptance through your opinions of my writings and how popular my postings got. I created them no longer for me, but for my audience. Now, not only am I not so focused on writing a post every day that I forget to breathe and live life, I am living life and I'm still writing and creating, only I am doing it for me now. I write songs, I write poems, I even wrote my own story and I write until I, myself, am satisfied with the outcome. And I'm still dancing, and going to school, and I'm getting good grades for myself, and dancing as well as I can for myself, and making friends by being myself. I am still having pie nights, watching Disney movies, reading really good books, and trying to strengthen my walk with my Savior Jesus Christ. Therefore, everything is going well with me, and I hope things are going well with you. I hope you all are writing for yourself, creating for yourself, and are comfortable with yourself and how God made you. I hope you don't get wrapped up with the need to feel accepted or popular in this world, because that isn't what life is about and it can't promise you happiness and it doesn't really matter at all at the end of all things. It really doesn't.
And so, this is where I leave off letting you know what I discovered and why I can't go back. Because I am not who I was then, and I have things to do and life to live and I don't ever want to go back into the habit of living and writing to impress.
