Wait

"Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!"

-- Psalm 27:14

I've been realizing more and more that this is the theme of my Summer.

Wait for a job.

Wait for my future to unfold.

Wait,

but be strong.

Wait,

but take courage.

Because I am not waiting for no reason.

I am not waiting just to be disappointed.

I am not just waiting.

I am waiting for the Lord.

Because I am waiting for Him, I will not be disappointed.

He does not disappoint.

It may take time for whatever my future holds for me to present itself,

it may take time to find out what job I am supposed to get and what I am supposed to do in my upcoming season of life,

but right now the answer is to wait.

So, that is what I will do.

I am not waiting in vain.

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. "

--2nd Timothy 4:7--

Let's talk about this gem for a second, shall we?

For starters, let me just state how much I needed to hear this verse tonight.

It brought to me a realization.

You see, I have been battling with my mind recently.

The mind is essentially my worst enemy.

But really it's only when I let the Devil get to it and that's what I have been doing lately without realizing it.

I have just felt really defeated by my troubles and I have felt anxiety and sadness and pressure and pain.

It's okay to get sad sometimes, I think that's normal.

But I felt more than I sad, as I said, I felt defeated.

But what I realized when I read this verse was that I felt defeated because I was defeated.

I was defeated because I wasn't fighting the good fight.

I wasn't putting on the armor of God.

Now, I know the Lord is faithful and mighty to save and that we have hope in Him.

I know these things and I believe these things.

Yet, I wasn't letting Him fight for me because I wasn't even listening to Him.

Sure, I was praying here and there.

But I wasn't full force praying and fighting.

I wasn't cracking open my Bible and that's how you put on your armor.

That's how you listen to God.

I wasn't receiving any messages from Him because I didn't open my Bible and read the messages He has given us.

I was stale bread and cold coffee.

I was trudging through my sufferings and battling my mind without being armed and without having the will to fight.

I had faith but it was little.

I let the Devil defeat me.

Thankfully, I have turned it around.

I am not sitting here sad anymore.

I am fighting the good fight and keeping the faith.

And I want to keep it.

I encourage you to examine your life to and see if you are fighting the good fight as well.

Time Can Heal All Wounds... right?

"There are some things that time cannot mend... some hurts that go too deep... that have taken hold." -- Lord of the Rings

A lot of people say that time will mend all wounds but I tend to disagree with that statement. Even in time, there are some things that, even if it's been over a year or two, you still easily remember them and it seems like it happened just yesterday and it still hurts as if it had just happened. Time can heal a lot of things but there are some hurts that go too deep to be completely healed. Thankfully, in Heaven we won't have these hurts. But here on earth, we still feel this pain sometimes. We still have memories that we can try as hard as we can to let go of, and they may still linger and take your heart captive for a bit. So I agree with this quote as I experience this quote. But I am thankful for the hope of Christ and for the fact that I know one day I won't have to experience pain for there will be no suffering in Heaven.

"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."

-- Revelation 21:4

I hold onto this verse because I don't know what I'd do without this promise.

I know the Devil attacks people in many different ways and this is one he's attacked me with quite often.

I feel pain very heavily and I don't know what to do when I am feeling it.

I often feel like I don't know how to deal with it.

And I feel discouraged because sometimes I feel like the pain I feel is never ending.

That's why I don't know what I'd do if I found out that the pain I feel is something I would always have with me.

I would feel so hopeless if I knew that even when I died, I would still be feeling heartache and pain and tears and facing death.

But, thankfully, God has written and promised in His Word that Heaven won't be like that.

All of that will pass away.

So, even in my darkest of nights,

I know that this pain is merely temporary.

It's hard for me to see it sometimes,

but it's true and that's what I cling to.

What do you cling to?

After the storm, sunshine comes (metaphorically and literally)

Yesterday was a bad day.

That's just the fact.

And just like it does on cheesy movies, it stormed in real life.

The rain came down hard and pelted the rooftops nice and loudly and darkened the day.

But today was a good day.

And like it does on cheesy movies, it shined brightly today.

I went to the beach and soaked up some sun and played card games and drank starbucks iced coffee.

Life doesn't always play out like that, but in all honesty, the sun will shine again no matter how stormy and dark the day.

So, keep that tucked away and save that information for a rainy day.

Because the promise of sunshine and hope is more than you even know.

What is something that means a lot to you?

Don’t just say it to me but say it to the world.

Your voice deserves to be heard and if you have an opinion you should voice it.

How else will the world change anyways?

How else will people be impacted by you?

If you believe in something, stand up for it.

I know you have desires, have thoughts, have opinions.

They matter.

You matter.

Speak up.

Write.

Don't hold back.

Because if your words are trapped in your brain,

you are not living life like you should be.

So, tell me.

What matters to you?

And then don't stop there.

Tell a friend.

A family member.

An acquaintance.

A stranger.

An audience.

The world.

Food for Thought

I think a lot of times we want to have the kind of faith that lets us walk upon the waters but, more often than not, I think we are too afraid to even get in the water we want to walk upon.

Why do we let fear take control of us when we already know who wins the battles we face?

I think we all need to be reminded sometimes from our friends that they think that we are important.
I think we all need to hear sometimes that we are cared about.
I think sometimes we just need to know that things are going to be okay.
I think we just need to say things out loud to each other.
I think we can't just keep things inside.
If we appreciate someone, we need to voice it.
If we love someone, we need to tell them.
If we have unresolved conflicts that we want to resolve, we have to try to resolve them.
Because the clock ticks and time is passing and it is passing all too quickly.
One day the clock will stop,
one day our bodies will be lifeless,
one day we won't be able to speak,
we won't be here on earth,
and all those things,
all those thoughts,
all those important things we don't take the time to think about or take the time to realize the difference it could make in someone's life,
all our opportunities to do something,
will be gone.
We will be gone.
And our potential differences,
it will be wasted.

Don't waste your time.

Make a difference.

Speak even if your voice shakes.

Careers and Jobs and Life and Uncertainty

I can't wait until I get to the point where I can wake up and start doing something I love and know it's where I am supposed to be and that it's the right job for me. I don't know the steps to get there and each day seems a bit more nerve wracking for me because it's another day I live in uncertainty.

Florida Snow

One day I listened to music from the musical Hamilton and was pretty cool because it actually made me interested in history and it's because it brought the past to life and this is part of what makes musicals so magical. Then on a car ride home of the same day, a Florida sky was painted yellow with darkness in the clouds above and lightning struck several times but there was no thunder to be heard. The wind, however, threw leaves into the car wind shield and it stripped the trees bare while the white flowers swirled in the pavement and were thrown in the air and mixed together like snow flurries and I knew. Knew what? I knew I would never see again florida snow. So, my eyes became cameras and my mind stored this memory away and I kept the florida summer snow storm in my head because sometimes, just sometimes, it's nice to pretend.

"I'm Forced to Deal with What is Real"

from the song Car Radio by Twenty-One Pilots

I guess the more I thought about this line the more I realized how scary that is and how that's one of the hardest things about life is finding out something you may have only considered a possibility before is actually real. You may pretend for a little while that it isn't real but our minds remind us and eventually forces us to deal with what is real. It is inevitable in life. However, I don't always know what to do with my feelings. There is no comfort in tears for me. Sometimes I get angry, but what good does that do? Sometimes I pretend to be happy and I think I sometimes fool myself or maybe I am momentarily happy. But there are days where I spend being happy with my friends but when night hits and it's just me and my thoughts, I am reminded about the 'real' things that I'd rather not face and I have to deal with them. Although, I am not quite certain, what dealing with them entails. All that I know is that I face my feelings but I don't know what to do with them.

Anger, sadness, joy

I feel you.

But what do I do with you?

I try to take them before God and I know He hears me.

I know He doesn't want me to suffer, but some things in life we have to suffer through.

I know that and I know there will be a time with no more tears.

I hold on to that promise.

That's my little piece of joy.

But sometimes I still feel the sadness and I still feel the anger.

That's one of the hardest parts of life.

Because it's real and I don't want it to be.

My Chamomile Tea

Tonight, even though it's the third of July and not the fourth, I can hear thuds come in every few minutes which some people would think it to be obnoxious and disturbing the peace and quiet. However, for me, being the weird person that I am, these fireworks are my chamomile tea. I've always felt relaxed and amazed just gazing up at a bunch of explosives shooting into the sky flashing it's different colors and floating down like pixie dust until it dissolves into nothing and pretends it was never there. It's always amazed me. But tonight, I am inside my house and it's late into the night and I can't see these multi colored flashes. All I can do is hear their steady thuds and I am really calmed by the sound of it. It's comforting. It's my cup of chamomile tea. What is your cup of chamomile?