Tuesday, December 30, 2014

I will remember my moments

In the year we got wine glasses as a gift, I was taught the nay-nay, I ran a mud-run, I experienced the joys of Tennessee, peaches and milk, I swam with manatees in freezing water, I discovered Merlin and had my heart ripped to pieces, I saw She Loves Me for the first time, coffee runs and coffee dates with friends and experiences galore, late night run to dunkin and bringing back 2 dozen donuts, became hooked on Criminal Minds, scouting out safety harbor and witnessing my friend breaking her nose, free Wawas and beach days, CafĂ© de Paris, experiencing the book series called the Maze Runner, being the Cheshire Cat in Alice and Wonderland dance recital, branching out and making new friends, singing carols after drama practice, movie marathons, playing farkle, lighting candles, watching my friend get married, performing a skit at a highschool, learning how to love better and more deeply, how to cherish the moments and make moments, giving in to the freedom within my soul and loving, loving, loving my family and friends and strangers. Huge moments, things I've never done before, and small things I wouldn't mind doing it again and again next year. It's all a treasure, really. The good and the bad.

I want to do more of that next year.
 I really do.
 I know there's more but I can't record it all.

This is my goodbye to the new year although there is technically one day left.
I've been in the rolling mountains and hills and wintery embrace of North Carolina and I know I will be busy celebrating with my family tomorrow drinking sparkly grape cider and watching movies and recounting all these memories and hearing theirs.

 2014, you have been tough.
And you have been beautiful.
You have been old.
You have been new.
You have been full of changes.
But I wouldn't change that for the world.
I had many questions for you,
some answered,
some multiplied,
but you have grown me.


I know 2015 will grow me so more.

I welcome you with open arms.

Friday, December 26, 2014

I am

The girl who's middle name is awkward.
Who will sing all day every day even if it's bad.
Who will jump up and dance excitedly over coffee.
Who will still believe in fairytales and obsess over Disney.
Who will collect moments in writing.
Who will make really bad puns.
Who will wear mix matched neon socks.
Who will be happy just getting to pet a horse.
Who will treasure snow.
Who will usually dance weirdly.
Who will laugh- a lot.
Who will get nervous occasionally.
Who will make random faces in the mirror to herself.
Who will always be happy about pie, nature, and Christmas.
Who will always daydream.
Who will annoy her sisters.
Who will want to capture life's moments in camera lenses.
Who will totally love forts and twinkly lights.
Who will adore the stars and nights.
Who will have many fandom loves and not care.
Who will have many passions and be pretty competitive when it comes to games.
Who will love the Lord her Savior no matter what.



Years will change me and grow me,
but some things I think will always stay the same with me.
This is me.
And I'm okay with that.

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Merry Christmas Eve


May your days be merry and bright, and don't forget about the Savior that was born on this night.

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Christmasy Themed Sleepover and Baking

Yesterday was baking (and eating) Christmas cookies, watching movies, napping, going shopping, drinking coffee, Christmas light looking with my friend, and watching movies that had to do with Christmas or had Christmas scenes in them with my friend during our sleepover. :) We watched The Best Christmas Pageant Ever, Sleepless in Seattle, and Little Women. It was a great night, filled with little sleep, and it was wonderful and I'm so excited for Christmas.

Tonight will be family filled funness with more Christmas movie watching and time spent together.

Decembers are kind.

Monday, December 22, 2014

Winter's Serenade

A candle lit to keep out the night,
whispers of warmth and smiles so bright.


The stars telling tales of a Savior that was born,
Everything calm and quiet on that day early in the morn.


The cold frosting the tips of  one's skin,
while the joy one can experience shines from within.


Candles and music and lights and friends,
Sing praises to the Lord once again.


For we are very blessed, and drowning in grace.
Our sin made spotless, with out a trace.


All because of the Savior in the manger, perfect as can be.
Our beacon of hope in the form of a baby.


Peace on earth and good will to men.
Sing praises to the Lord once again.


Sing praises to the Lord once again, once again,
To the little Lord Jesus who came to conquer sin.

Sunday, December 21, 2014

Saturday, December 20, 2014

Enchanting

Last night was enchanting.

An evening of surprises.

My family and I went to a cute pizzeria we have never been to before where we ate outdoors with chilly weather but rightfully cozy weather with the heaters on, lights strung about the place, candles, ambience, pizza, Christmas music.

Then we went to downtown Clearwater, walked around, went to a fancy Starbucks, got warm drinks to soothe our souls and warm our insides/outsides, and came back to the theatre where we were going to see the musical "She Loves Me". They had caroling beforehand to set the mood. Then we watched the show, a musical I had never seen. It was pleasant, the actors/actresses were great, the music was great, it was great.

The whole night was enchanting and I wouldn't have changed it one bit.
                           
It felt rather Christmasy and magical.

Friday, December 19, 2014

1 am thoughts

Many people rave about a love at first sight kind of love but I’d rather a “she crept up on me” kind of love. Love at first sight always seemed to be a shallow sort of love. Banking your love on the outside appearance of someone. A “crept up on me” kind of love is the kind of love that happens when you all the sudden see the dusty corners of someone’s soul, seen the way their eyes light up when talking about their passion, know how they can’t help dancing when their favorite Beatles song comes on, can’t help but notice how they tuck their hair behind their ears and things that make them them and can’t help but love them for it. Things you don’t see right away, things that creep up on them. I want thaaaat kind of love. When someone loves me, I want it to not be because they thought I was beautiful and imperfect. I want it to be because they saw me for all that I was and saw my imperfections but still loved me regardless and love me for my quirks and things that make me, me.

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Monday, December 15, 2014

Missing the Mark

Sometimes I really feel like we're missing the mark when it comes to Christmas.

I love Christmas, but part of the reason I love Christmas is the joy that it brings.

But sometimes I really feel the joy lacking in the household, or in the friends around us, in the general atmosphere.

Everyone is stressing about things to get done.

Yes, sometimes it's important to get things done because we still have responsibilities and duties, but they will get done.

It may take a little time, more than you thought, but it will get done.

I just think life is too short to let the good times pass by without experiencing and appreciating them.

This is the time of year where I experience peace knowing that my Savior was born many years ago in a stable in order to become the one who would take upon all our sins on a cross for us.

This is a time of year to rejoice, and yet we're sitting here stressing and worrying and arguing over pointless things.

I don't want to let these ten days slip through my hands and be filled with arguments and stress.

I want to cherish them with joy.

I don't want to be sucked up into the vacuum.
I want to feel the love of Christ and spread it.

Some people feel as if Christmas is magical.

It is.

How else would you explain a star in the night guiding three wise men to where a baby lay in the manger that they would worship and bring gifts to?

How else would you explain a virgin mother giving birth to a newborn King?

How else would you explain a baby being born without any sins and without any blemish?

That night was miraculous.
It still is.
We have a great story to tell.
We have a great story to treasure.

So let us marvel and treasure it.

Let us not grow immune to the beauty and importance of this story.

We have an awesome God that we serve and awesome Savior who is love.
How can we be quiet about this?
How can we not be joyful?

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Tree leaves


Like the tree leaves all burned into one,
Something has begun.
Like the language that the flower speaks,
Love is neither frail nor weak.
...
Like the waves crashing to the shore,
Always fighting, forevermore.
Flower wreaths and feet feeling the earth,
Such a gift to those who see it's value and worth.
The world shows it's beauty in countless ways,
But we'll only see it when we appreciate our days

Saturday, December 13, 2014

We Wish You a Merry Christmas

Winnie the Pooh and Christmas Too with coffee and mah friend, games of uno and farkle, brain field trips, cold nights, dance performances, garden lights display, wawa coffee field trip, walks, christmas charades and cocoa. 

It was a fun afternoon and a fun night.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

And if you are in doubt, the universe as unfolding as it should be...

My Junior semester of college has come to an end. I took my last final today!

Although I have had some ups and downs this semester, the end was supreme. This week has been stressful and beautiful and a wonderful mess. 

Yesterday, I felt free and happy. After my final yesterday I was able to enjoy many walks and many laughs. I was able to sing with my beautiful friend as she played the piano and sang hymns and worship songs. It was just so peaceful to do so. When you can give it all to God and worship together, it's so so beautiful. I also went to the park with one of my friends and it was actually cold out. At the park we went to, it didn't even look like Florida. The trees were colored like Fall, the sun set like a winter sunset, and there was even cotton bushes that looked like snow. It was beautiful. We talked about Christmas traditions and travel and life. It was nice. Then later I went and got coffee and a free muffin and became hyper in the best way possible. I had adventures with another friend and later a wonderful God-centered chat with a friend I'm starting to get to know better as we overlooked the city lights as it reflected on the water. Then I hung out at the "Cove", a common study spot and coffee shop type place. There was a goodbye party held for a really nice girl that is not coming back to our school next semester. I didn't know her very well but there were so many people there that I did know. I talked and laughed and took pictures with so many of my friends and lived in the moment. I got to know and play a game with people I didn't know. It was just one of those nights you remember and you cherish. Where everything was just simply right and where even though it was an ending, it also felt like a beginning. Everything just exploded last night in the best way possible. I had inner struggles with how I felt about some things, and I came to peace with them. Sometimes you can go about living and think too much about living. Last night I lived and I enjoyed it. I didn't think about it, I just let it happen and I didn't try to control anything. I felt most like myself in those moments and it was great.

I'm going to miss this semester and I'm going to miss my friends. But I'm glad it ended how it ended, I'm glad to be coming back home without school hanging over my head, I'm glad to catch up with friends I haven't seen in awhile, I'm glad to revel in the joy of Christmas and Christmas vacation (where I can go up north and bask in cold weather and cabin life and woods), and I will certainly be glad to come back to school after it all is over. 

I am truly blessed.

I haven't done a picture post in a while this post deserves pictures of my memories from this week.















video

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Beauty and Guys

"But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious."
-- 1 Peter 3:4
 
I know I am not the only one who struggles with this.
 
But...
 
One of the things I have been struggling with a lot this semester in school is the topic of beauty and guys. I have had guys trying to pursue me and giving me attention and I'm not saying this to be conceited or to complain, but it has been hard. Some people brush this off and say; "Oh it's so hard to have so many guys like you" but honestly, it sort of pressures me more than lifts me up. It makes me always conscious of the fact that there are guys wanting me to like them back. It makes me feel like I always need to be beautiful or worse, that my beauty is all they admire or look at. It makes it hard for me to trust guys and it makes me constantly think about or worry about who the guy is out there for me to marry and be my one true love.
 
But when I read this verse, it puts my thinking into proper perspective. It reminds me that I need to focus on my soul and my heart. I need to focus on being beautiful in God's sight. I don't need to worry about the suitors, or worry about guys. I need to focus on God and trust in Him and work on  my inward beauty and I know when the right one comes a long, I will know. It will work out because he will love me for more than just my looks. I know that because I won't marry anybody who only loves on the outside and does not go deeper than that.
 
I struggle with pride, I struggle with appearance, I struggle with overthinking.
 
But I know if I give it up to God,
my struggles well lessen and my love and peace will deepen.

It's kind of ironic because my friend actually posted similarly to do this because of the Victoria Secret's Fashion Show that was on tv last night and it made her want to write regarding beauty as well. It's just sad how the world limits beauty to body and skin. Beauty is so much more than that and love is going to have to go far more deeper than that if it's to last.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Winter

It's winter, my dear.

Winter.
Where the trees shed their leaves because they are tired of attachments.

Winter.
Where pine trees decide they need ornaments to be companions to their needles.

Winter.
Where fires often burn to shed light and warmth on those who have comfy souls and frozen feet.

Winter.
Where friends meet with friends and families become tighter and peace slithers in like a blanket.

Winter.
Where the cold makes you wear sweaters that feel like hugs.

Winter.
Where adventures seem possible around every corner, every bend.

Winter.
Where North Carolina woods call me home and cabin nights and tea keep my soul company.

Winter.
Where long windy walks are so wonderful in comparison to hot sticky summer walks.

Winter.
Where Christmas lights shine like the gleam of the eye of a child.

Winter.
Decembers.
Coffees.
Love.
Giving.
Wonders.

I love it all.

Winter always gives me a new appreciation, a new awakening, for life.

Maybe because it's where life truly started. Yes, I know people were "living" before Jesus was born but they couldn't have been really living. Not without the love and hope that the Savior brought us. It's nice to reflect on that. It's nice to appreciate where our lives truly started. Where hope came alive.
Where joy came in.
 
 In a stable, in a manger.

It's the beautiful, quietness, peace of this all that soothes my soul.
 
Decembers will always be beautiful to me.

Monday, December 8, 2014

Sugar Brigades

Today was tired eyes, misty air, walks and talks, cocoa, my first anime movie entitled Howl's Castle in which the main girl shared my name, gingerbread cookies and decorating, bible study with my great great friend, studying a ton, another misty evening walk, white elephant exchange, secret santa, and sugar brigades.
 
This day will go down in history as the day we brought joy to all of the young college girls in our building in which our dorms lie, as we brought sugar packets in boxes to each of the units knowing they had been, indeed, sweet all year long. The sugar brigades will live long in the hearts of men and womenkind...
 
 Or at least in the hearts of those living in Unit S Fall Semester of '14.
 

A Person I've Never Known

delicate hands
a busy soul
a soft heart
a geometric face
detecting eyes
a brave backbone
a curved spine
translucent skin
a far off gaze
tangled veins
a wild mind
web of ribs
hair threads of gold

Tell me about the world you speak, the world you know.

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Dec 7th - A Friendly Reminder

"
               mirrors
                         are
                               just
                                   broken
                                        glass
                           and
                       you
                     are
                    more
                       than
                          that
                                                "

Friday, December 5, 2014

Thankful

I had a rough day today.
But there is still plenty to be thankful about.


Such as:


Beauty and the Beast, nice people, hugs, refreshing naps, black dresses, hot chocolate, Christmas music, good friends, formal dinners, laughter, family, and my dog.


And most importantly;
Jesus.


I struggled a lot today, but I can say it and mean it right now when I say;


It is well with my soul.


Thank-you Jesus, for life itself is a gift.

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Christmas spirit

Not everybody has the Christmas spirit...
 buuuuut,
I do.
 
I watched outside overlooking the causeway where the lights shine like sparkles across the water and the moon glimmered endlessly and the stars whispered stories into my ear and I pondered Christmas and Jesus and felt peaceful and full of joy. When I talk about Christmas to some people, they are just so not ready for it. They aren't excited because they have too much going on. But honestly, that is just the opposite of how it should be. Christmas is the season to be merry despite what's going on. To be at peace, to love, to be joyful. I know it's hard for people to do that but still.
 
So, now I'm about to watch a Christmas movie and eat Christmas cookies. 
 
And I'm stoked.
 
I have a santa hat on and everything.

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Red

Today was red.

Christmas carols in chapel.
Red and Green.

 My shirt and lips.
Red.


Breaking people's hearts.
Red.

Homework.
Grey.

Dinner of buffalo chicken strips.
Red.

Laughter, lots of it, and hyperness.
All of the colors.

Bible study.
White.

Christmas party consisting of santa hats, Christmas cookies, pentatonix, Lindsey Sterling and improv games.
Red.

Taking pictures with two other people wearing red.
Red.

Free Caramel Macchiato courtesy of my sweet friend.
Gold.

Nighttime walks and chats and making of plans.
Starry Night Blue-ish Black.

I guess the day's events were filled with much more than red,
but it still felt red.
I still feel red.

I don't know how you can feel a color, but I think it's possible.

Christmas is coming and I know it partially because of the red joy in my beating, very much alive, heart.

God is good.
Life is good.
I am excited.

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Christmastimeisherenodoubt

Today consisted of classes as usual, ravioli, awkwardness (can't go a day without it), Benadryl tiredness, homework.

But then it consisted of Michael Buble and Pentatonix Christmas music while wrapping Christmas presents, a short walk, dollar tree Christmas decorations run, a nice enjoyable meal with a brownie to make me hyper, making paper snowflakes for the first time, decorating our dorm unit, seeing other people's decked out Christmas dorms, Christmas music, people wearing Christmas sweaters and vests, running into "Santa Clauses", free cookies, people laughing and hanging out, hyperness, watching Elf with my unit while drinking cocoa and eating popcorn and simply enjoying our Christmas lights and decorations.

The first half of the day didn't feel like December at all. But it turned around and it became christmasy and everyone channeled their inner Christmas spirit and it was good. It felt like Christmas despite the awful Floridian weather. It did.

Lay Your Burdens Down

I don't know why it's so hard to lay our burdens down a the foot of the cross, but it is.
It's hard to let go of our troubles, and the things we hold dear.
But as soon as we do,
it's so breathtakingly freeing.

When you not only realize it but actually feel that God is all you need, it is so powerful.
It's beautiful.
You stop stressing about life's useless squabbles.
Your appearance.
Guys.
Everything.

The Lord provides and He cares for us, what is there to worry about?
 What is there to fear?
The Lord is faithful.
And He loves us.

Is there anything more beautiful than that really?

Monday, December 1, 2014

And I Need to Know How to Live my Life as it's Meant to Be

I love breaks but I also love coming back.
It's so weird though.
I feel like college campus is a totally different life than when I'm at home.
It's a tiny campus, but it's another home.
Going on walks with three different friends, talks from each different human perspective, it's just amazing.
It's intriguing to pick up pieces of each different soul, but it's also impossible to get to know each soul completely.
Partially because people can't even grasp every bit of their souls.
It's changing constantly.
Life changes constantly.
 
One of my close friends was going to stay here in FL for a couple of years and now she might be transferring to another school next semester.
 
Things change, all the time. It's just funny because sometimes we are convinced that we're meant to be on a certain route and then something will guide us to a totally different direction.
 
It's interesting to observe and sometimes it just makes me think.
Ironically, I was listening to Mumford and Sons and the lyrics from one of their songs stood out like a sore thumb: "And I need to know how to my life as it's meant to be."
 
 I need to examine that more often.
I need to pray more.
I need to do what I can to live my life as God wants me to.
 
Life is fleeting.